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Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Show #3025
By Michael Z. McIntee Change Text Color:
Black | White


Reese Witherspoon; and Harry Connick, Jr.
PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; an Audience Member Catches a Lucky Break; Matt Lauer on the "Today" show; Dave's Favorite Toy; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, newly reopened after a three year restoration . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue:
- "Thanksgiving is coming up and everyone is getting ready for the parade. They have a new balloon; the John McCain balloon but it has trouble getting off the ground."
- "A daredevil wearing a jetpack flew across a 1,500-foot wide canyon. He was up for 15 seconds, then plummeted to earth. It was like Regis on Viagra."
- President Bush granted a slew of pardons. He pardoned Sarah Palin for her interview with Katie Couric."

During the monologue, Tony "Cue Cards" Mendez must have misplaced the McCain/balloon joke because it came up again in his batch as the monologue progressed. Tony had to bury it when he saw it was upfront and next for Dave. Dave caught the quick shuffle and called Tony on it. At the end of the monologue, Dave re-read the McCain joke.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush reads from a script a list of our recent scientific accomplishments. It is obvious he has no idea what any of it means.

ACT 2:
During the preshow Q&A, or ‘Questions and Answers' for those new to showbiz, Dave asked if anybody in the audience had a question. A woman way in the back shot her hand up in a flash. Dave says, "I called on her . . . . . . . I'll never do that again."
The woman says, "I've been watching you since I've been a little girl." Dave asked her a few questions, one being "Where do you live?" She had trouble answering that question. Dave says that is a sure sign that someone is crazy. When they can't answer the question, "Where are you from?" that's not a good sign. Dave was able to narrow it down to someplace near Roanoke, Virginia. She mentioned how much she enjoyed seeing Dave and Teri Garr relate to each other. Dave says the woman was getting more and more excited as she ventured to her question. Again she remarked at the great chemistry between Dave and Ms. Garr, and says "I always thought you were going to ‘do her' right there on the stage."

She's yours, Roanoke.

Odd Dave: Dave then makes an odd crazy look of a reaction. I labeled this "Odd Dave" for a possible future shot request from a writer.

President Bush granted pardons to 14 convicted felons this week. And now in that same spirit, we decided to pardon one luck audience member. Dave asks Alan who is being pardoned tonight.
Alan: "Dave, it's James Preston!"
The camera scans the studio audience to search for James Preston. James is elated with his name being called; big smile, clapping for himself. One look at the guy and it is obvious he's never won anything before, so it was nice to see him so happy. Alan continues his announce.
Alan: "Congratulations! James, you have been pardoned. You're free! You don't have to sit through the rest of this mess! You're free! Run, run, run. Fly, fly, fly like a bird!!"
As soon as James heard the first "You're free" he never looked back. He quickly darted out of the theater. Word has it he was home to watch the Top Ten.
Says Dave, "Looks like a nice guy. And he gets to go home early" . . . . . which is a nice treat in this heavily traveled week.

Last week, the "Today" show sent Matt Lauer, a nice looking kid, on one of his escapades to play "Where In The World is Matt Lauer?" Did you see where they sent him? We take a look at a clip to find Mr. Lauer scuba diving. He speaks through his mask and air hose, "Here I am LIVE underwater at . . ." And then he is suddenly attacked by a shark, bitten clean in half. Ouch! Maybe I should start watching "Today." Looks great, but how many times can Lauer get bitten in half?
Dave receives good news: "He is going to be OK."

TOP TEN: Signs President Bush Doesn't Care Anymore -- he's down to 55 days remaining. After two years, he just doesn't care anymore.
#10. Hasn't taken off his Iron Man costume since Halloween.
#7. He's barely trying to ruin the economy anymore.
#5. Saw Osama at Arby's Drive-In but didn't feel like chasing him.

ACT 3:
REESE WITHERSPOON
Dressed in all black; quite lovely. Going somewhere after the show? Reese says she isn't and that she got all dolled up just for Dave. An impressed Dave says, "You look like a beautiful movie star." Reese hasn't been here in 3 years and in that time she won an Academy Award for her role as June Carter Cash in "Walk the Line." Dave has her relive that night. Reese says she was very nervous and actually was hoping not to win so she wouldn't have to make a speech in front of the world. When her name was announced she was in shock and on her way up to accept her Academy Award, she was concentrating on not saying any profanities. Dave laughs and says he would have liked that, and then mimics how that may have sounded, "Hoooooly ‘djoy'!"
(The Wahoo Gazette does not print expletives. To decipher ‘djoy' simply look to the left of each letter of ‘djoy' on your keyboard.)
Does she keep the Oscar hidden away under lock and key? Reese says she keeps it out for all to see and often finds her kids playing with it and dressing it up. Sure, why not? The damn Oscar is naked! I'm surprised former Attorney General John Ashcroft didn't make Hollywood dress up Mr. Oscar.
On the night Reese won the Academy Award, her daughter lost a tooth. When Reese proudly showed off her Oscar when she came home, her daughter said with glee, "That's fine, but I lost the tooth! I'm gonna be the first kid in February who lost a tooth!" And that's how it should be.
Has winning the Academy Award changed her life? Reese says it hasn't really. She still has to pay the bills. From my limited perspective, I realize how winning an Academy Award changes one's life. Your intro on talk shows will never be the same again. Forever till the end of time you will be known as "Academy Award-winning."

Reese doesn't come to New York much. What does she do when she is here? Reese says she went out to dinner with friends the other night and a Tarot card reader stopped at the table. Dave says, "Wow, nice restaurant!" What kind of reading did she get? The cards revealed, "I see lights and cameras around you." Oooh, some psychic! Her name wasn't Deborah, was it? Does Reese believe in psychics? Does she go to psychics? Reese doesn't see psychics and is unsold on whether they work or not.
Dave knows this about psychics and offers it up for advice for men: "If your girlfriend is going to a psychic, it's already over. There is not a chance you're going to make it through that."
Reese and the family recently went to Paris. She and her daughter wanted to see the Eiffel Tower and the Champs-Elysees. Her son wanted to see the sewers. Reese being the good mom that she is, made her assistant take him. And he loved it. The sewers of Paris. Add it to your itinerary when making the trip.

Dave asks about a farm Reese has outside Los Angeles. She and the family go there on weekends to get away from the noise and bustle and, well, to get away from Los Angeles. On the farm are pigs and chickens and goats. It's great for the kids and Reese loves the quiet. She's from Tennessee and enjoys the simple things, adding when she was a kid she would play with . . . sticks. That was her fun. Dave agrees, and says he too played with sticks and his favorite toy was an old rusty can. Life is simple for a kid . . . . if you let it.

Reese's new film, "Four Christmases," opens on Wednesday. She co-stars with the very funny Vince Vaughn and the extremely talented Robert Duvall.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Teri Hatcher, and musical guest Ludacris with T-Pain. Attention: Due to increased holiday travel, the AAA is recommending you leave now for Thanksgiving 2009.
We'll be right back with more fun and surprises."

ACT 6:
HARRY CONNICK, JR.
Hey, Reese isn't the only one with chickens and fowl around the house. Harry says he's got some chickens, too. In one of his daughter's classes, they had an incubator and the class got to watch the chickens hatch from eggs. The school had no place for them so the Connicks decided to adopt them. They ended up with 8 chicks and they soon built a coop to keep ‘em. Two of the chicks turned out to be roosters and they were distinctly different. One was black, the other white. They decided to name one "Obama" and the other "McCain." Dave asks, "Which was which?" I liked that. The roosters were fine at the beginning, but then the white rooster started getting all ornery and mean and nasty. He started bothering all the other chickens. It was real feisty. And then it attacked one of his kids. And poetic justice was served. On Election Day, the Connicks ate McCain.

Harry has a new Christmas album, his third. He hadn't planned on doing another but the record company approached him and since Harry really enjoys doing the great classics, he decided to do it. What Harry finds really satisfying about this album is his middle daughter, 10-year-old Kate sings on one of the songs. Harry is very proud and says she did a great job.

From his new CD, "What A Night! A Christmas Album," Harry Connick, Jr. performed "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

And that was our show for Tuesday November 25, 2008.





One month ‘til Christmas. I'm hoping to have all my Halloween shopping done by Thanksgiving.

Did you like Dave's favorite toy, the Rusty Can? How did we make that and box it so fast, moments after Dave had mentioned it? Well, we made the rusty can toy months and months ago. It wasn't used then but we kept it hanging around backstage in the shack where the headwriters and I watch the show. We figured the rusty can would come up as a reference someday. And tonight, it did.

I sort of like when a pro sports team's money grab goes awry. The New York Mets sold the naming rights to their new stadium to open this April to Citi Bank and is to be named "Citi Field." But now it looks like Citi Bank has no money. Hee hee. I think a stadium should be named after a bigger donor, but that would be inconvenient because every stadium would be called, "Taxpayer Stadium." And then after I wrote the above, I turn to Page Six of the New York Post. There is a cartoon of Mr. Met at the new field. He exclaims to the Mets owner, "They're renaming the ballpark again." Down is coming the CitiField sign and up is going "Taxpayer Bailout Field." I do see a mistake in the cartoon, though. At least I think it's a mistake. Often times, this cartoonist adds sly jokes within his drawings, but this I see to be a mistake, not an inside joke. In the background of the drawing is the 9-inning scoreboard. The top half of the scoreboard is the home team; the bottom half is the visitors. That's wrong. The home team should be on bottom.
Gee, it's fun pointing out other people's mistakes. I see why Wahoo readers like to do it all the time.
And then this morning, Wednesday, I see where two NYC politicians have suggested the Mets rename Citi Field to the more appropriate Taxpayer Field. DOH! But I had written that early Tuesday, before "their" idea hit the newspapers. But if you want to get technical . . . .
From the February 1, 2005 Wahoo Gazette:
"Does Peyton prefer playing indoors or outdoors? Peyton prefers outdoors, where football is supposed to be played. What about the new stadium to be built for the Colts? Peyton says it will have a retractable dome, with the naming rights still available. (How about ‘Taxpayer Stadium'?)"

I made some pasta y fagiole the other day. I was looking for something hot, easy, and quick. (Relax . . . I'm talking about pasta y fagiole, here. Really now, some of you people have a dirty mind). I bought all the ingredients and then I read: Soak the kidney beans for 3 hours or overnight. DOH! 3 hours?! Sigh . . . OK, fine. I soak the beans and tend to other stuff around the house. I come back later to proceed. I mix the beans and half of the water it was soaking in with some bacon and onion and chopped tomatoes and celery and seasoning and other stuff. I bring it to a boil and then I read, "let it simmer for 3 hours." DOH! My early lunch had turned into a late dinner. I should have read the recipe first, obviously. I added the macaronis and I finally completed my big pot of pasta y fagiole later that night. And it was very tasty. It's good for a cold rainy day, though I would not recommend it if you are going on a first date later that night. The beans tend to announce themselves for hours afterwards. But if you are gonna be going out with the guys, by all means, eat up! Guaranteed hours of laughs.

Don't forget to watch the Wednesday evening news. It's their annual, "Gee, Aren't The Airports Crowded!" show. That will be followed by Friday's annual "Gee, Aren't the Stores Crowded!" show. But who am I to complain. Our Thanksgiving Show doesn't change much from year to year either.

And now, the annual Wahoo Gazette Thanksgiving Tip:
Shop Wednesday. Travel Friday.
This concludes another year of the Wahoo Gazette Thanksgiving Tip.

Do you know where you were 12 years ago today? I know where I was. I was in front of my 386 typing up the very first Wahoo Gazette. Here now is the entire issue of the premiere Wahoo Gazette.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1996
Tonight is the Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony in New York City's Rockefeller Center, so if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to "Silent Night," that's the place to be.

Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight's show, and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug.

Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself "Corky"?

Some plans by Late Show staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday…
1. Nancy Agostini -- work
2. Zoran Zgonc -- work
3. Chris Schukei -- work
…… more tomorrow

You can stop looking for more because you aren't going to find any. That was it for the Wahoo Gazette. Boy, oh boy, if only I didn't know now what I didn't know then. But you have to remember, this Wahoo was back in the day when computers were in black and white and before talkies. That's right. Back then, the entire Wahoo Gazette had subtitles. You had to read it. We've come a long way. It's hard to believe I was able to get away with a half a page, twice a week.

Did you see what I just wrote about the first Wahoo? Right there is an entire Gazette 12 years ago.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Richmond Hill, Ontario, it's Wayne Chow.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1
• Show Open
• Dave's Monologue
 Watch now
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2
• Audience Member Pardoned
• Mat Lauer in Belize
• Top Ten Signs President Bush Doesn't Care Anymore
 Read now

ACT 3
• Reese Witherspoon
 Watch now
ACT 4
• More with Reese Witherspoon
ACT 5
• Audience Shot & Guest Plug
ACT 6
• Harry Connick, Jr.
ACT 7
• Harry Connick, Jr. performs "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"
• Show Close

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