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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Show #3015
By Michael Z. McIntee Change Text Color:
Black | White


Don Rickles; Amy Brenneman; Alicia Keys.
PLUS: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; President Bush: The Final 100 Days; King Tut; and a Special Top Ten List presented by Football Pro Bowler Terrell Owens.

" . . . and now, rogue pharmacist . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue jokes:
- "On the ‘Today' show, Sarah Palin did a cooking demo. Palin's a great chef. Sure . . . she reads all the cookbooks."

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
Bush: " . . . . . increased prosperity is mutually beneficial for the United States, Canada, and . . . America. . . . .. Mexico."

ACT 2:
Dave salutes and thanks the men and women who have put on the uniform of the United States military who give us the privilege of acting like morons every night.

Only two months remain of the Bush presidency and so we decided to chronicle this time in something we call, "President Bush: The Final 100 Days."
Announce: "November 11, 2008, 69 days left. President Bush spent the day annoying West Wing staffers with a laser pointer.
This has been ‘President Bush: The Final 100 Days.'"

Egyptian scientists did a DNA test on fetuses found in King Tut's tomb to determine if he's the father. Dave found the results pretty interesting. We take a look at the clip.
We see Maury Povich in his studio with an anticipating audience.

MAURY: "We have the results right here and we are about to find out if you are the father."
We see King Tut wrapped head to toe in bandages, alongside a woman with a Tweety Bird T-shirt which reads, "Tut Slut." Maury opens the envelope and reads the results.
MAURY: "King Tut . . . . you are NOT the father!"
The audience screams with surprise, and King Tut jumps to his feet.
KING TUT: "You a ‘ho! You a ‘ho! Your mama a ‘ho! You a ‘ho!"
TUT SLUT: "Who you callin' a ‘ho, ‘ho?!"

King Tut pounds his chest and yells, "I'm a horse! I'm a horse! I'm a horse!"

Bedlam ensues. Maury tries to calm everyone down but it is no use.
King Tut is not the father. Maury says so.

TOP TEN: Terrell Owens Advice For Kids -- and here to present tonight's Top Ten list, from your Dallas Cowboys, 6-time pro bowler, Terrell Owens.

4. "Don't hassle the Hoff"
3. "Listen to me . . . do not cry during a press conference."
We then see a video clip of Terrell Owen weeping while defending his quarterback, Tony Romo. Kudos to T.O. for going along with this.
2. "There ain't a damn thing to do in Green Bay."

- Terrell Owens -- holds the NFL record for receptions in a single game: 20
- Terrell Owens -- second all-time in touchdown receptions, behind Jerry Rice. Jerry Rice: 197; Terrell Owens: 135

Terrell Owens is great when he is here on the show, but, boy, there are times when I see him on TV and read about him in the newspapers where I want to put him in a headlock and box his ears. I just picked up his book, "T.O.'s Finding Fitness: Making the Mind, Body, and Spirit Connection for Total Health." If the book can make my mind, body, and spirit healthy, then I take back every bad thing I ever thought about this great talent. In fact, the book is already working. To improve my posture, I'm typing today's Wahoo with the book balanced on my head.

ACT 3:
DON RICKLES
Dave welcomes Don and holds up a photo of Don and his dad in 1944 as Don is about to be sent to the Philippines for World War II. Don is very proud to be part of those who fought in the War. There are fewer and fewer left every day. They were men when men were men.
The photo reminded me of CPO Sharkey.

Oh, Don . . . .

Dave congratulates Don on his Emmy Award. Two Emmy Awards, actually. Don beat out Dave for "Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program" for his HBO documentary, "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project." Don laughs and wonders how with all of Dave's wealth and power he couldn't manage a win. This somehow led to a slew of Regis jokes for a reason no one can tell. But truthfully, you don't really need a reason to make Regis jokes.
Don's wife Barbara is proud of the Emmy Award, but would like it if he would go to bed with her rather than the trophy. After being married for 43 years and sharing a bed with Don, his wife is prone to say, "Is that about it?" Don says, "As a Jew, I circle the bed three times to get an estimate." Don continues, "She use to be a hooker for the FBI," then quickly adds, "That one is going to cost me." When Don is on the show, his wife Barbara keeps score at home. That last joke will be cost him dearly.
He then looks over at Paul and chastises him, "And Paul, when you got a minute, watch the show." He jibes Paul for constantly looking at his papers and music sheets to get ready for the next song.

Dave had seen Don perform years ago in Vegas. Afterwards, Dave went backstage to say hello. Edie of "Steve and Edie" was there and was a bit too demonstrative when she met Dave. Dave being Dave, ran away and hid in a closet. Don likens Dave to fellow Midwesterner Johnny Carson; "You don't want to meet anybody, you don't want to make friends." I better check my birth certificate. I think I may have been born in the Midwest.

The election is finally over and Dave asks Don what he thinks. Don exercises some of his new "Barack Obama plays basketball jokes" that fall flat. It's new material he's breaking in which according to the audience reaction, or lack of it, needs some work.
Don was invited to Ronald Reagan's 2nd inaugural. Actually, some strings had to be pulled. Frank Sinatra called and told Don to join him. Frank then went to the Reagan people to tell them that Don Rickles would be joining him. They were not warm to the idea. Frank told them that without Don there would be no Frank coming to the Inauguration Ball. Dean Martin was there, too. Beforehand, the three were told that there would be no drinking. Dean, of course, found a loophole.

Don then makes a joke about the Jerry Lewis telethon. Tasteless? Sure, but I laughed, as did most of the audience. Don Rickles may be the last to be able to do that on network TV. "Don being Don" has been going on a whole lot longer than the "Manny being Manny."

Dave asks Don if he knew Buddy Rich? Don answers, but then wonders why Dave would ask such a question out of the blue? "Why would you think of Buddy Rich in the middle of no place?" Don wants to know. This of course sends Don off on a tangent. Why Buddy Rich? Where did that come from?

Dave loves Frank Sinatra jokes and asks if Don could share a story that would spread light on the relationship. Frank thought very highly of Don's wife, Barbara. Of course, the audience makes their own dirty little joke about this. Don asks rhetorically why would Barbara need Frank when she had the best? This morphs into a joke about "Spider". Don says, referring to himself, "Things get pretty exciting when ‘Spider' gets going?" Dave asks, "And where is Spider now?" Don, without missing a beat, says, "Back at the hotel lying in bed in his pajamas." Don enjoys the exchange and holds up his hand for a "high five." Dave is not looking and leaves Don hanging. Don gives up just as Dave notices, so Dave puts up his hand to finish the high five. Unfortunately, Don doesn't see Dave and leaves Dave hanging. Finally, they coordinate their efforts and complete the high five. So much in comedy is timing.

Just in time for the holidays . . . . it's "Rickles' Letters", a book of letters Don should have written to people throughout his life.
And Don can be seen this Saturday at the Fox Theater Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut.

Don Rickles: always funny, always delivers. They broke the mold when they made him . . . . thank God.

ACT 5: Audience shot.

AMY BRENNEMAN
It's her first return to the show in 5 years, but somehow Amy isn't 5 years older.
Amy has had a baby boy since she was here last. He is now 3 and the little brother to her big sister who is 7. He likes to do everything himself, but her daughter would be more than happy to be catered to her whole life. Amy is proud of her son's initiative but it can sometimes be difficult to hang on to your patience. Sure, it's nice that he wants to button his coat . . . but . . . you want to scream, "Would you come on!"
He also tends to be in control of his emotions but recently threw a tantrum when he and Amy were walking his sister to school. He went into full meltdown mode and she tried her best to be compassionate and helpful . . . . mostly because teachers and parents were watching. Later when she asked him why the big show, he simply said, "Because I had a woodchip in my sock." I find kids usually make sense if you let them explain, although ‘sense' to them may not translate into ‘sense' to you.
Amy started out in show business doing theater acting. She recalls being in a play at Lincoln Theater here in New York after doing some movies in L.A. She read the script, loved the script, and accepted the role. Unfortunately, the play was awful. People bought their tickets in advance, before the terrible reviews, and they came thinking, "This play is miserable and I know I'm going to be miserable." It was a tough nut to crack. She remembers one scene where she was emoting her heart out, tears streaming down her face, on the edge of the stage, inches from the audience. At the height of her anguish, she hears a voice in the front row, "This is the worst play I've ever seen." What can you do? You just have to grit your teeth and complete the task. Dave knows what Amy is talking about. He goes through the same thing every night here at the theater. Dave grimaces a bit and says, "The audience seemed too willing to accept that as the truth."
Amy is currently in the ABC show, "Private Practice," a spinoff of "Grey's Anatomy." She plays a psychiatrist. Hopefully the doctors, nurses, and interns on "Grey's" are some of her clients. "Private Practice" -- Wednesdays at 9:00 PM on ABC.

ACT 7:
ALICIA KEYS: From her current CD, "As I Am," Alicia Keys performed "The Thing About Love." And this week she's performing at the "Black Ball" here in New York to benefit her "Keep A Child Alive" charity.

And that was our show for Tuesday November 11, 2008.




To make better use of your time, stop reading this and Google "Armistice Day".

Oh, good, you're back from Googling.

Kudos to Google for honoring the veterans on Veterans Day. Nice job on the Google logo.

I'm walking down the hall today and I hear some guy on the TV announce, "Never put your iPod in your breast pocket if you have a pacemaker." I say to myself, "iPod? It's more likely they have a transistor radio in their breast pocket."

I received this from Wahoo reader Don Smith of Kingston, Ontario.
"Yes, Mike, I'd love to write a Wahoo."

Oooh, Don. I once said that and I've been sorry ever since.

I was watching the Ball State/Miami of Ohio football game on "The Deuce" Tuesday night. Ball State was outplaying the RedHawks but could never shake them away. Miami continued to stay close throughout the game. And then with 7 minutes left, Miami threw a long pass to a guy wide open into the endzone . . . . . but the guy dropped the easy catch. The announcers bemoaned that it is plays like this that has caused Miami of Ohio to go 2-7 this year. We see a replay and yes, it was a very easy catch for the receiver who was wide wide open. But was I the only one to notice that as soon as the receiver got up off the ground he pointed his index finger as if to say, "We're number 1." But obviously he wasn't proclaiming he was #1. No, he was pointing to the stadium lights. The reason he didn't make the catch was because he lost the ball in the stadium lights. One replay nearly showed how the ball could get lost in the lights but it was only shown once. Both announcers kept at it that the pass should have been caught and offered no reason why it may have been dropped. And no one in the Control Room or someone sitting near by or somebody, anybody . . . but nobody whispered in their ear about the stadium lights. Didn't anyone wonder why the receiver pointed what looked to be the "We're #1" finger? Am I the only one who noticed this? He was pointing at the stadium lights! I gave a quick Google check Wednesday morning and found nothing about the receiver losing the ball in the lights.
Just once I would like to watch a sporting event without having to scream at the TV. I was so mad I almost participated in ESPN2's "Interactive Tuesday", but that's a story for another day.

Break up the Knicks. The New York Knicks are currently 4-3, almost matching last year's win total, so this year may be different from the rest. Still, my annual question holds, but with a twist to please my daughter Danielle:
Which team will win more games this year, the New York Knicks or the North Carolina Tar Heels?
I usually pit the Knicks up against Duke, but Danielle is a big North Carolina fan and wants me to go with them this year.

On November 11, 1918, representatives of France, Germany, and Britain met in a train car outside the French town of Rethondes and signed the armistice that ended World War I. The fighting stopped at 11 AM on the 11th day of the 11th month.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He does not wish to write an issue of the Wahoo Gazette, from Salt Lake City, Utah, it's Keith Matthews
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
ACT 1
• Show Open
• Dave's Monologue
 Watch now
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
ACT 2
• President Bush: The Final 100 Days
• Kitty Hologram
• King Tut DNA Results on "Maury"
• Top Ten Terrell Owens Advice For Kids
 Read now

ACT 3
• Don Rickles
 Watch now
ACT 4
• More with Don Rickles
ACT 5
• Audience Shot & Guest Plug
ACT 6
• Amy Brenneman
ACT 7
• Alicia Keys performs "The Thing About Love"
• Show Close

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