" . . . and now, extreme house painter . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue jokes:
-"This weekend, they moved home plate from the old Yankee Stadium to the new one. And they moved the on-deck circle to Madonna's house."
-"This afternoon, the Bush's gave the Obama's a tour of the White House. When Obama asked the President what was his biggest challenge in the Oval Office, Bush said "Hanging pictures on those curved walls."

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
- Bush at a podium taking questions. Bush: "Yes, sir, you're the . . . . mic man or the questioner . . . . you're the questioner . . . .. mic man . . . . ." Shrugs.

ACT 2:
While Dave is billboarding Jamie Oliver's new book, he notices a drop of blood on his desk. We get a closeup of the blood droplet. Dave wonders if some kind of OJ deal went down over the weekend. Paul then does his best Neil Diamond, " Blood on the Desk."

And speaking of books, Ted Turner has a new one and we can't forget the Late Show Fun Facts book. Says Dave, the book is so popular that, "The Gideon's . . . instead of the Bible, they are now placing the Late Show Fun Facts book in all the hotels."

And speaking of the Late Show Fun Facts book, we have a surprise for you. We turn on the outside camera to show a caped billboard high above the street at the N/E corner of 52nd and Broadway. The drape comes down and we see the new billboard promoting the Fun Facts book.
Good bye, Tony Mendez; Hello Late Show Fun Facts book.

For those of you who thought we'd be getting a break from campaign commercials, Dave has some bad news. We watch.
Announce:

"Although the election is over, Barack Obama still has millions of dollars left over. So he'll continue running negative commercials against people he doesn't like, such as . . . . Henry Winkler. Screw you, Winkler! Barack Obama --- Oh, we're just getting started!"

George W. Bush's presidency is winding down, but there's still much that he's trying to accomplish. We're following his progress with a segment called, "President Bush: The Final 100 Days." -November 10, 2008; 70 days left. President Bush spent the day on the computer, Googling old girlfriends.
This has been 'President Bush: The Final 100 Days.'"

Says Dave, "I wouldn't mind googling a couple of old girl friends."

TOP TEN: Things Overheard During the Bush/Obama Meeting
#5. "Is that Roger Clinton sleeping on the sofa?"
#4. "When there's a big crisis, you might be here as late as 4 PM."

ACT 3:
TED TURNER
Did you see Ted on "60 Minutes" Sunday night? Dave did. And Ted did, too. Dave says watching the program made Ted seem like a pretty good guy. What did Ted think of the piece? Ted says, "Yeah, I think I seemed like a pretty good guy, too." Dave learned from reading Ted's new book, "Call Me Ted," that he ran a small television station in Charlotte which he renamed, WRET. He owned another station in Atlanta and on its final day, broadcast the going away party live over the air. Most of it was just the staff waving at the camera. Dave liked the idea so much I won't be surprised if we do the same thing here in 21 years.
Is Ted satisfied with how things turned out at CNN, his brainchild? Ted is proud of it, but says he would do some things differently. It's natural to feel that way. Ted says he would even do Dave's show differently.
Ted Turner is also an accomplished sailor, winning America's cup in 1977. Does Ted still sail? I like how he put it. Ted says he "started to stop" in 1980, when his time became to tied up with CNN. Ted is saddened with what America's Cup has become. It was supposed to build bridges and make friends with the rest of the world, but is now burdened with suspicions, ill-will, and the courts. My guess is when money got involved, that's when America's Cup lost its fun. There are some very familiar photographs of Ted Turner celebrating aboard his boat after his 1977 win. He now confesses, "I forgot about the press conference which followed."
Dave holds up a photo of Ted Turner palling with Fidel Castro. Ted said at the time the Cold War was a dangerous time and he wanted to be a positive force. He went and met with all the communist countries and their leaders and became friends. Soon afterwards, the Cold War was over. Ted isn't taking credit for that . . . but nothing else was working at the time.
We see another photo of a bloodied Ted in an Atlanta Braves baseball shirt. Ted was the team's owner at the time and to create fan interest, since the team wasn't doing that, he felt the need to provide some entertainment besides the game. One contest pitted him vs. Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Tug McGraw. Ted starting from first base and Tug starting from 3rd base raced to see who could push a baseball along the grass to homeplate . . . . with their nose. Ted's baseball took a wrong turn and ended up traveling along the gravelly baseline. Well, in his drive to win, his face got a bit scraped up. But, as Ted still proudly points out, "I won by 6 feet!"
What's his take on the economy? Ted feels we need to change our lifestyle. Back in the 50s we didn't have half of what we have today, but we were just as happy, if not happier. We need to live within our means again. "We got to start playing bridge" with the neighbors instead of spending big bucks on some other form of entertainment. Maybe parents have to start moving back in with their kids, or vice versa. Says Ted, "It worked for Sanford and Son."
Ted Turner's memoir: "Call Me Ted" - in bookstores now. An interesting book of an interesting life.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave welcomes Don Rickles, Amy Brenneman, and musical guest Alicia Keys.
The Late Show. Did you know that while Stephen King is a prolific writer, he never learned to read?
We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
JAMIE OLIVER
On the menu tonight from the world famous chef is:
Roasted Concertina Squid with grilled leeks and a warm chorizo dressing. It can be found in Jamie's new book, "Jamie at Home" on page 330.
Jamie is married and has two daughters and is expecting his 3rd child in March.
He's hoping for a boy and took measures in hopes of ensuring this wish. He describes some of the techniques while preparing tonight's dinner. It's not a conversation I would entertain at that time. Jamie thinks it is a boy because his wife is acting differently from the first two pregnancies. For one, she likes to chew on hot water bottles.
Whenever we have a chef on the show, it makes me want to cook something at home. I think I'll try the roasted concertina squid. It looks exotic, yet doable. It may scare away the children but that'll leave more for me.

ACT 7:
TAYLOR SWIFT: From her new CD, "Fearless," the lovely Ms. Swift performed "Fearless."

And that was our show for Monday, November 10, 2008.



The stick, yes, the common stick has been honored by being selected to the National Toy Hall of Fame. And I guess if you happen to get an eye poked out by said toy, you can sue the manufacturer . . . . God.

The Stick - Caution: May be flammable.

The Stick - the last toy not made of plastic.

When I was a kid, we used to make a stick into a bow and arrow. We'd find a decent sturdy stick; attach and tie the ends with string; and there was your bow. Then we'd find thinner, straighter sticks for the arrows.
We'd also sharpen sticks into spears. I can still remember seeing one such stick/spear embedded into my brother's right temple.
We'd use stick as guns when playing Army.
We would also gather long sticks, stand them on end and make a tepee, creating the outer shell with branches and leaves.
And we would find a nice thin bendable stick to launch apples. We would stick one end of the stick into an apple and fling the apple like a trebuchet. We'd usually aim for the nearby but unseen Palisades Parkway over the trees.
We would also use a stick to make a fishing pole.
I've used a stick from a tree to play stickball.
I've used a stick to pole vault over a ditch.
I've tied a peanut to a stick which held up a box to catch a squirrel.
I've used a stick to keep a football upright in order to kick field goals in the backyard.
I've used a stick to knock down a Frisbee stuck a tree.
I've used a stick to move a dead rabbit off the street.
I've used a stick to run along a fence to create an obnoxious noise.
I've used a stick to play ice hockey.
I've used a stick to make a slingshot.
I've used a stick to try to find water. It usually led me to the spigot outside my house.

Interestingly named enterprises:
From Tim Eberhardy of Cudahy, Wisconsin:

"Got another great bar name for you to share - it's in downtown Milwaukee - it's called 'The Office.' So if you call home after work from the bar and say you're going to be late, you can say, 'I'm still at The Office.'"

Did you see the final seconds of the San Diego Chargers/Kansas City Chiefs game? Down by 7 with seconds to play, the Chiefs score a touchdown to make it 20-19. The extra point will make it a tie game and put it into overtime. But KC head coach Herm Edwards rolled the dice and went for the win, electing to go for the risky two-point conversion and the win rather than the almost sure thing extra point for overtime.
The Chiefs went for the two and the win . . . . . but failed. They lost.
Final score: Chiefs - 19; Chargers - 20.

Here's what I would have done.
1. An extra point is just about automatic, even though the Chiefs missed one earlier in the game to put them in this situation. Going for the extra point would have put the game into overtime.
2. Winning in overtime is about 50/50. So, going for the one-point would give the Chiefs a 50% chance of winning the game later in overtime.
3. Going for 2-points has about a 50% chance of success. The Chiefs going for the 2 points would give them a 50% of winning. Going for the 1 point or going for the 2 points gave the Chiefs an equal 50% chance of winning.
4. This is what I would have done. I would have lined up my offense as if to go for the 2 points from the 3-yard line. I would have my quarterback go with a long, hard count in hopes of drawing the defense offsides. If they jumped, the ball would be placed halfway to the goal line, one-and-a-half yards from the goal line. Now my chances of scoring the 2 points would jump significantly, much better than 50%. And if the defense did not jump offsides, I would either call time out before the play clock expired, or if I had no timeouts remaining, I would simply take the delay of game penalty, go back 5 yards, and kick the extra point from there. The extra point from here is equally almost a sure thing, making your chance of winning in overtime still 50%.

That's what I would have done. Does it make sense? Probably not, because I'm sure the great minds of the NFL would have thought of this by now.
But why haven't they thought of this? When a team is winning with seconds remaining, the quarterback will simply take the snap and take a knee. Deep in the backfield will be a player as insurance just in case something goes haywire (see: Joe Pisarcik; Giants/Eagles 1978). In case of a fumbled snap and a defender picking it up, the deep player will be there to make the tackle. BUT . . . why is that player who is deep in the backfield a wide receiver? Why isn't that guy a safety or cornerback, someone trained to make open-field tackles?

Hello? Is anybody still here?

Forget about the store sales for a minute and put your American flag out on Tuesday. It's Veterans Day.

It's the soldier, not the reporter who has given us
Freedom of the Press.
It's the soldier, not the poet, who has given us
Freedom of Speech.
It's the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the
Freedom to Demonstrate.
It's the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the
Right to a Fair Trial.
It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves under the flag and
whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who gives the protestor the right to burn the flag.
~Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

Did you thank a Veteran today?

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
She does not wish to write an issue of the Wahoo Gazette, from Hellerton, Pennsylvania, it's Susan Szilagyi.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com