" . . . and now, shadowy Russian billionaire...David Letterman"

ACT 1:
At the top of the show, Dave goes into the audience to deliver a certificate for a dinner for two. The woman was elated; though Dave thinks her date wanted the dinner NOW. He feels the guy shot him the snake eye.

Yankee 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez has been in the news lately, and not in the sports pages. First it was rumored that he was sneaking around with Madonna, and now it's been announced that he is signing with an entertainment agent because he wants to branch out more into show business. A-Rod explains further in this announcement.
Announce:

"Alex Rodriguez has signed on with the prestigious William Morris Agency in an effort to pursue more opportunities in the entertainment industry. Specifically, he's hoping to branch out into sleeping with film actresses, TV actresses, country singers, authors, directors, talk-show hosts, and stars with no discernible talent whatsoever.
A-Rod: Batter up!"

Obama is preparing his short list. McCain has his short list. And oddly, Al Gore has his short list. We take a look at this announcement.
Announce:

"As Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain vet the potential running mates on their short list, Al Gore can confirm that there are now just two names on his short list for tonight:
Cheesecake and cinnamon buns.
An announcement will be made shortly.
Al Gore: Mmm, Mmm, good."

ACT 2:
It's time for a Green Tip from our friends Chris Elliott and Gerard Mulligan.
We see a clip of the two touting the importance of mulch and how to make your own mulch. It takes time to make good mulch. Is their mulch ready? Chris Elliott takes a handful of mulch and eats it. After digesting the enriched dirt, Chris says it is not quite ready yet.

TOP TEN: Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat
Dave reads the FYI card. A stray cat was picked up by a Long Island animal shelter. "The cat weighed a whopping 44 pounds." I smiled when Dave said the word "whopping." I added the word "whopping" to the FYI card simply because I wanted to hear him say "whopping." I don't know why I wanted to hear him say "whopping," but I got a kick out of it when he said it. This is something I call, "The Game Within The Game."
Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat:
10. Instead of "meow," says, "Moooo."
9. Takes 3 days to lick himself.
6. He has had more heart attacks than Dick Cheney.

ACT 3:
LUKE WILSON
The happy and relaxed Luke Wilson says he walking down 8th Avenue a few months ago with a girl on his arm when he came across our own Biff Henderson. Trying to impress the lady, Luke suggested we go over and say hi. So, Luke approaches Biff with a big, "Hey, Biff." Biff gave Luke the brush off, something like "Not now" or "Keep moving." Is this true? Dave calls Biff out to explain himself, but Biff tells Dave, "I don't have time right now, Dave."
Luke had spent some time in Pennsylvania recently shooting a movie at an all-women's college. HEY-OHH! Luke says it wasn't as exciting as it sounds. He was there in the Spring during the Masters golf tournament. He made arrangements to watch the Masters in a dorm lounge. So, Luke is watching the Masters when a lovely young woman enters and says, "What are you doing?" Luke tells her he is watching the Masters. She says, "Well, I was watching 'Dr. Who' in here." Dr. Who is some British Sci-Fi show (written by a guy named McIntee). Luke explained that he talked to the Resident Assistant about watching the Masters. She says, "Uh huh. What's the Masters?" Luke says it's like the Super Bowl of golf. After a beat, she snaps, "NOT COOL!" and storms out. The next day he hears that she has a blog and wrote that Luke Wilson commandeered the TV and hates Dr. Who. What's up with that?
While shooting the film, Luke was assigned to a teamster who transported him from location to location. The first morning he hears a rap on the door at 5:30 AM. The teamster driver is there and barks, "Time to go." Luke just woke. Luke introduced himself, or tried to, but the driver barked again, "C'mon, let's go." It was not a good opening. A few days later Luke is in the back seat and sighs, "This is going to be a tough movie." The teamster driver growls, "You signed the contract, Homes." The driver didn't want to hear anything about it.
And then at the college, another young woman approached him and said that he was invited to a lecture given by Madeline Albright. Luke wasn't really in the mood. He didn't want to say "Yes" and not show up, so he told her the truth. He told her he was beat, that he appreciated the invite, but it was a long day and would probably just relax and do nothing with a friend. She rolled her eyes and says, "YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE!" Luke hoped she didn't have a blog.
Luke comes from a family of show business brothers. His brother Owen has been in many successful films and his older brother is a director. Is he ever mistaken for one of his brothers? It happens all the time and he'll often get, "Hey, are you one of the Owens brothers?" Luke will say, "Yeah, I'm Luke Owen, and my brother is Owen Owen."
Luke's new film, "Henry Poole Is Here," opens August 15th. Dave calls it weird, quirky, but very sweet. It's a nice story without explosions or car chases. Luke chimes, "But lots of nudity!" Dave laughs and says, "There's no nudity . . .".
But it was a nice pitch.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Richard Simmons, and from 'Weeds' actress Mary-Louise Parker. The Late Show! Now serving restaurant-quality pastas!
We'll be right back."

ACT 6
MINDY KALING: From NBC's hit show, "The Office." Mindy's parents were born and raised in India. They moved to the United States soon after Mindy was born. 'Mindy' isn't her actual name; it's Vera Chokalingham. Her parents were living in Nigeria when her mom was pregnant with her and wanted a cute American name for their daughter. The only American TV show on in Nigeria at the time was "Mork and Mindy." Her mom thought Pam Dawber was adorable so Vera was given the nickname "Mindy." I guess it's a good thing they had a daughter. It would be tough to grow up with the nickname "Mork."
Most people think that since she has parents from India, Mindy should also have an Indian accent. Mindy was cast to play a telemarketer in the film "Baby Mama" which came out in April She was supposed to have an Indian accent. The only reference she had was Apu from "The Simpson's." After the first take, the director yelled "CUT!" He came up to Mindy and said, "Could you do that less terrible?" Mindy fought back and confronted him on his insensitivity. How dare he tell an Indian woman that she speaks with an awful Indian accent! Who is he to tell her? But she knew he was right. And her scene was eventually cut from the movie.
"The Office received 8 Emmy nominations and Mindy says she just loves Award shows. She found herself standing behind J.Lo on the red carpet at the Golden Globes. Mindy is a huge fan of J.Lo's; so stylish and glamorous. Photographers were snapping a thousand photos of J.Lo and J.Lo knew just how to work it. She never looked directly at the camera; always looking slightly behind. At one point, J.Lo sees Mindy over her shoulder and mumbles, "I like your dress." Startled and excited, Mindy gushes back, "I like your dress, too!" J.Lo gives a look like, "No no no, this conversation is over. You go back and tell your friends J.Lo likes your dress. I'm not about to tell Marc Anthony that you like my dress." Very funny.
"The Office" - season 5 starts September 25th.

ACT 7:
MICHEL LAUZIERE: Master of the Unusual. He creates music in very odd ways. Tonight he used a wooden spoon, a kitchen mixer, a paper bag, an empty tomato juice can, a piece of string, and a paint roller to perform, "Wipe Out." It was very interesting. Very nice.

And that was our show for Thursday, July 31, 2008.



Later today, I am being interviewed by a guy from the alumni newsletter from college. I've seen these articles before. It takes up a full page and goes into great detail. I don't know if I have enough about me to fill up the space. I've been busy preparing stories all week. All my old college friends will be reading about me. I have to look good. Although, the fact that I'm still alive will probably surprise most of them.

I was checking some things in my files and noticed that Senator Barack Obama was a guest on our show back in 2004. Huh? 2004? I checked the Wahoo Gazette for November 26, 2004 and there he is. He was just elected United States Senator from Illinois, defeating Alan Keyes. And what did I say about Barack?
"Very impressive two segments with the new Senator. Exudes confidence and decency. Bright future for this man."

On my walk in to the office this morning, I came across one of those donut/danish carts on the street corner. 13 people were on line. I wanted to talk to the last person on line and ask why he decided to get on. Why wait? Is that donut really that important? Do you really need that danish?
My limit on waiting for just about anything is two people in front of me. If there are two people on line, I'll get on line. If there are 3, I'll go someplace else.

I like to be ready when I'm making a purchase. I like to have my money out before it's even my turn. I try to make the transaction as smooth as possible. The other day I was at Lowe's to pick up some screws and something for the toilet. I was 3rd on line. The first person paid with a credit card. Somehow, this person must have forgotten that you have to pay for stuff at Lowe's because she didn't go for her credit card until all her items were ringed up. Silly. The next person in front of me paid in cash. Her total came to X dollars and 18 cents. She then rummaged through her pocketbook looking for 18 cents. This went on for a good half-minute. She eventually found a quarter and 3 pennies. It was now my turn. I put my items on the counter with the price codes pointing up and towards the cashier person. I had my money already in my hand, with coins in my other hand. I was ready for anything. The price is scanned. $9.42. I hand the cashier a ten dollar bill and 42 cents. I bag my items while she fishes for a dollar out of the register. She hands me my dollar and the foot-long receipt. As I shove the papers into my back pocket, she exclaims about the 17-second sale, "Now that's the way to conduct a transaction!" YES! YES! That's right! That IS the way to conduct a transaction, and I was proud of it, and proud of her for noticing! It made my day. I appreciated the recognition for my effort. I wish more people were like me

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Huntsville, Alabama, it's Andria Dyess
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com