" . . . and now, Gateway to the Rockies . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Following the monologue, we head to the roof to find Paul Thoresen, a junior at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. What's he got for us tonight? Paul will drop a 55-gallon water balloon off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater building. That's 8 stories up; 90 feet above the sidewalk. Has he ever done anything like this before? Paul says he did it once in college. How did that go? It cost him $2,100 in fines.
We see the 55-gallong water balloon behind Dave. I "Played The Dave" and expected Dave to make a Pamela Anderson joke. I lost. There was no Pamela Anderson joke.
Before dropping the balloon, we check the weather stats:
Temperature - 87 degrees.
Humidity - 48%
Barometric Pressure - 29.84 inches and holding
Wind - from the south at 10 mph
Visibility - 10 miles, virtually unlimited.
And celebrating her 100th birthday today, Betty Fletcher of Tucson, Arizona.
What's her secret to a long life? Betty eats a whole onion every day.

With the help of Property Master Pat Farmer and his crew, Paul Thoresen lifts the 55-gallon water balloon on the platform and tilts it over the edge of the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater building. The blob falls to earth and bursts in a great shatter. Pretty cool.
After a few replays, we go to commercial as we at the theater enjoy "Shaking All Over" by The Guess Who.

ACT 2:
Sitting in with the band tonight, formerly of Bachman Turner Overdrive and The Guess Who, it's Randy Bachman. All night long we got to hear some great music. In fact, it's been great all week with Paul and the Band. Bachman has a new DVD entitled, "Live at the Montreal Jazz Festival."

On the show tonight is Nathan Lane. Nathan's talent is so great, people cower in his presence. Dave compares the greatness and intimidating and powerful talent of Nathan Lane to that of the legendary Russian weightlifter, Vasili Alexyev. Wow! Where did Dave pull that one from? I laughed mightily at the comparison of Nathan Lane and Alexyev. Vasili Alexyev would appear on Wide World of Sports back in the 70s every now to compete and set a new weightlifting record. I once read where he would only set a new record by a pound or two each time. This way he would constantly be setting a new record, which was great for the drama and ticket sales.
We later see a photo of Mr. Alexyev.

The Emmy nominations were announced last week and Dave saw this odd announcement on Al Jazeera.
Announce:

"Al Qaeda proudly congratulates all of its Primetime Emmy Nominees.
Osama bin Laden for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Terror Training Video.
Ayman Al-Zawahiri for Outstanding Supporting Extremist in a Video or Audio Terror Message.
Habib Salam for Outstanding Animated Program.
And Abdul Mohammed for Outstanding Beard in a Martyrdom Message or Miniseries. Way to go!"

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
-something about a potted plant.

Dave concludes, "With great trepidation, I will continue to make this comparison of Nathan and Vasili." Dave shows a photo of Alexyev squatting to life the barbell of weight.

During the commercial break: "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" - Bachman Turner Overdrive.

ACT 3:
NATHAN LANE
Enters posing like Vasili Alexyev in the photo. Nobody comes prepared with stories better than Nathan Lane. He comes with a list of things to say and he works it fantastically to get it all in. He's a pro all the way.
I think this is how it went . . . .
Nathan is feeling great, like Andy Dick three hours before the mugshot.
Nathan is proud to announce he is the Godfather to Brad and Angelina's new twins. Nathan was on the French Riviera touring with a one-man show, "Manny, Moe, Jack, and Me," all about the lost Pep Boy. One night while reaching for a tiny umbrella at the banana daiquiri refill station, Nathan ran into Brad Pitt. Nathan recognized Brad right away. It took a minute for Brad to recognize Nathan as one of his Facebook friends. He invited Nathan over to his booth and joined a waiting Angelina. By the end of the night, people were referring to them as BrangeLane-a. They discussed possible baby names. Nathan liked "Xanax" and "Percoset." They wanted something more old-fashioned. Nathan then suggested "Peaches" and "Herb." They got along so well that they asked Nathan to be the twin's Godfather. Now he's over there every weekend cradling, coddling, cootchie-cooing . . . and that's just with Brad. Hey-OOOOOOH!

The last time Dave saw Nathan was at Nathan's Broadway play, "November." Nathan admits to being shocked that Dave would come to see him, and wanted everything to be perfect. Nathan kept asking for updates as to when Dave would be coming. Messages would come through intermediaries. It was like being pen pals with Bin Laden. "November" was playing before near-capacity but Nathan wanted a full-house on Dave's night. When it was established what night Dave would come to the show, Nathan made the producers guarantee a full house. The night of Dave's appearance, the theater was filled, but Nathan thinks they bused people in from a nursing home for the cranky and belligerent. And the audience was terrible. They never laughed. It was as if they were watching a Harold Pinter play. Nathan says he only heard two sounds all night --- two elderly women in the front row arguing over an assisted listening device, and Dave sighing. Nathan says he didn't actually hear Dave sigh, but in his twisted mind that's what he heard.
After the show, Dave met Nathan backstage. Nathan says it was like meeting Garbo at the supermarket; so surreal and unexpected and weird. Nathan says Dave was very gracious and when it was time to go, Dave excused himself and in closing said to Nathan, "Well, you probably want to rinse out a few things . . . "

Nathan Lane is in the new film, "Swing Vote," which opens August 1st. Dennis Hopper plays the Democratic presidential candidate and Nathan plays his campaign manager.

Is that how the segment actually went? I have no idea. I went off of someone's encrypted notes.

ACT 5:
It's Randy Bachman leading Paul and band in "Taking Care Of Business." Other songs throughout the night: "American Woman" - The Guess Who; and "No Time" - The Guess Who.

ACT 6:
WILL IT FLOAT? ROOFTOP EDITION!
Tonight's item: A Tiffany Lamp. Dave asks Alan to describe the Tiffany Lamp. Alan does his best but doesn't really offer too much useful information. And what are we playing for? A brand new car!
Paul: Sink.
Dave: Float.
The Late Show models drop the Tiffany Lamp into the Will It Float tank on the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater Office Building and it . . . . sinks!

ACT 7:
LARRY "BUBBLES" BROWN: He had me at, "Calm down, Mr. Fun is here." I liked his dry and dreary delivery. Very funny. I was chuckling throughout. He'll be performing at the Monte Bleu Casino in Lake Tahoe, Nevada August 2nd.

And that was our show for Friday, July 25, 2008.



5 months till Christmas. Better start cracking.

Did you enjoy "Will It Float? Rooftop Edition!"? Well, here's a peek behind the scenes.
Instead of the Tiffany Lamp, the original item was a boxing headgear; a safety helmet used by amateur boxers or professionals during sparring. When the item was dropped into the Will It Float tank, it barely made a ripple in the water. It floated like a cork. So disappointed was Dave with tonight's Will It Float item that he asked that we do it again with another item. While staffers scurried to find a replacement, we went to commercial and brought out Larry "Bubbles" Brown for his stand-up. At the end, Dave said good night and the show was over. But Dave remained at the desk and we re-did the Will It Float with the Tiffany Lamp. Usually, Alan Kalter does some research on the object before the drop just in case Dave asks for some information on the item. That's why I laughed when Dave asked Alan to describe the Tiffany Lamp. Dave knew Alan had never set eyes on it since the lamp went straight to the roof. We did "Will It Float" again and then plugged it in the ACT 6 after the show.
Next week's item is a boat.

Big laugh of the day today was hearing the Yankees discussed acquiring Barry Bonds. I'm dead set against it, as is every Yankee fan. But then I changed my mind. Most of my sports' viewing today is purely for entertainment. I try not to let myself get emotionally involved. So what could be more entertaining than Barry Bonds in a Yankee uniform? My dislike towards his reported behavior is intense, but, boy, how entertaining would it be to have Barry Bonds on the team? Hating Bonds while loving the Yankees . . . . . it would be maddening. And the sports talk radio would be white hot with fury. I love hearing grown men screaming on the radio about something as unimportant as sports. In the grand scheme of things, it means little. If only they could direct that passion to their local Town Board.
Barry Bonds on the Yankess . . . it ain't happeing, but . . . . . . wow. Can you imagine? As if the Yankees aren't hated enough already.

I'm driving home last night and look over at a woman my age driving with her buried in one of those Blueberries or Blackberries. She's typing away, or texting I think it's called, while making her way through rush hour traffic on the West Side Highway. What could possibly be so important for a woman my age to be texting during rush hour? What was SO important today that was no so important 10 years ago before texting? It couldn't wait? Ever have a conversation with someone and they start blackberrying right in front of you? I don't like all this technology. I remember years ago I wanted to ask my wife something while she was on the phone. She shot me "Don't You See I'm On The Phone" look. I waited for her to hang up. And waited. Meanwhile, she's taking all these call-waiting phone calls during her phone conversation. This wasn't right. I decided to go outside to a payphone, this was before I had a cellphone, and call her up. She took my call and I asked my question.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Quebec, Montreal, Canada, it's Karun Mehta.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Mikemack@aol.com