" . . . and now, creepy lighthouse keeper . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Dave took one of his quick presidential polls during the monologue again. If you're keeping score at home, Barack Obama won tonight by a slim margin over McCain.

"Great Moments in Presidential Speeches" - Our President at a podium asks someone in the crowd, "That's not a seer-sucker suit, is it?"

During commercial break, P&theB performed "Slow Down" by Larry Williams, and covered by a band called the Beatles.
All week, Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra have been killing. Hope it continues. They've been sounding great.

ACT 2:
Dave's boy Harry is going to summer camp. On his first day of swimming Harry called home all excited and said, "Daddy, I saw a fat man in his underpants!" This morning, Dave drove Harry to camp and the guy at the gate yells, "Hey, Hey, Dave! How come I don't see you on TV no more?" The quick-witted Dave wits back, "I was fired!"
Dave wonders how long he's been on the air. Paul tells him it's close to 27 years. "How come I don't see you on TV no more?" Dave gets up and approaches the camera. He puts his face right up to it and bangs on the lens. "Hello! Hello!" Yes, Dave is still on TV.

David Duchovny is on the show tonight. Dave saw his new movie and it got him thinking of some of the great paranormal mysteries of our time. We take a look at some of the most interesting ones.
Art Card: "Great Paranormal Mysteries Of Our Time"
Announce: "Who built Stonehenge.
Did aliens crash land near Roswell, New Mexico in 1947?
How did Clay Aiken get a woman pregnant?"

Many Republicans are concerned that John McCain's public appearances aren't as inspiring as Barack Obama's. But with Obama making a historic speech in Berlin today, McCain has also pulled out all the stops. We take a look at where John McCain was today.
We see the presumptive Republican nominee John McCain in the cheese department at a local supermarket. As he speaks to the citizen shoppers, we hear him drowned out by the supermarket P.A.: "Mario to the cheese aisle for a price check on Gouda. Repeat: We need a price check on Gouda. Would Mario please come to the cheese aisle. . . . . . . . And I'm still waiting on those quarters, Larry!

Following the joke, Dave takes a minute to make a point about John McCain. He calls him, "the definition of a hero. He spent 5 years in a Vietnamese prison being tortured nearly to death every day. At one point, they say, 'OK, you can go home now.' And he said, 'Do my buddies get to go home, too?' And they say, 'No, your buddies are staying.' And he said, 'Well, then, I'm staying.' A real American hero. And a punk like me is making fun of him." DING! I would like to think I would have done the same as Senator McCain. I like to think that. But I have a feeling if given the opportunity, I would have told my men, "See you back at the house, guys!" But I'll always pretend I wouldn't.

Top Ten opening animation - we see a taxi cab flying through the streets of Manhattan. As it pulls up to the Ed Sullivan Theater, a hub cap flies off and hits a pedestrian. The pedestrian cries, "Damn you, hubcap!"
TOP TEN NASA EXCUSES - Former Apollo 14 astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell, claims space aliens have visited earth on several occasions, but has been covered up by NASA for the past 60 years.
NASA Excuses:
10. Didn't think it was a big deal.
6. We were waiting to reveal it on a very special episode of 'The Tyra Banks Show'

During the commercial break P&theB perform Blood, Sweat, & Tears, "I Can't Quit Her."

ACT 3:
NEW SUMMER TOYS, WITH TOY EXPERT SHANNON EIS.
-PLEO - an animatronic dinosaur; a Camarasaurus. It emulates the appearance and behavior of a week-old baby Camarasaurus. It moves, it looks around, it's almost life like, and you don't have to clean up after it. It sells for $350 and is manufactured by Ugobe. "What else can you do with him?" Dave asks. Exactly. Dave takes a nearby, air-filled bat and whacks the Camarasaurus, hoping to put the dino in an aggressive mood. Not sure if it worked, but it broke the bat.

-Nerf N-Strike Vulcan - it's an automatic machine gun Nerf dart gun. It can fire 25 Nerf darts in rapid succession. $40.

-Big Boom Bat& Tee - it brings all the fun of T-Ball into the house. Your child can have hours of fun hitting the blow up balls with the blow up bat. Dave hits some balls into the audience, but the bat barrel flies off the handle. Dave sends the rest of the balls into the audience by foot and throw. $15.

-Millennium PTU Flying Man - It's a mini-man on a jet pack. It's like one of those helicopters you've seen, but this is a guy with a jet pack. Dave has a lot of fun with the Millennium Person Transport Unit Flying Man. It looks workable in tight quarters, too. It works for me. $39.99.

-Airhogs Blue Sky Plane - recyclable mini-pump action plane. Pump the plane up with air, spin the propeller, and send it on its way. This worked better than I expected. And since it's recyclable, when you are done I guess you can just let it rot away. $14.99.

-E-Maxx 4WD Monster Truck - It's Hobby Quality! The powerful remote control trucks looks like it can tackle anything. Dave has lots of fun with this as he drives it all across the stage and crashing it into the audience. He then realizes what else he can do with the PLEO, the animatronic camarasaurus. Dave puts the camarasaurus down on the floor and lines up the E-Maxx. Dave floors the remote controls and the monster truck plows into the dino sending it flying. The E-Maxx 4WD Monster Truck goes for nearly $1,000. Dave says his first car cost him $400. My first car, a 70 Chevy Impala, set me back $300. It came with 4 spare tires. Due to a faulty axle, I went through the tires in 6 months.

And that's the new toys for the summer.

During the commercial break, Paul and the band performed Del Shannon's "My Little Runaway."

ACT 4:
DAVID DUCHOVNY
Duchovny says he hopes Dave can do for the "X-Files" movie what he did for that woman with the toys.
Dave asks Mr. Duchovny about jobs he had growing up. David D. says he worked as a lifeguard on Fire Island in New York from the age of 14 to 18. Fire Island, east of NYC out on Long Island, wanted to keep the day-trippers to a minimum. They wanted the beach to remain for the locals as much as possible. In order to do this without being obvious, they passed an ordinance that eating was not allowed on the beach. No eating whatsover. Without food, traveling beachgoers would look elsewhere to beach themselves. Duchovny recalls sitting with the head lifeguard who would be scanning the beach with binoculars looking for eaters. It was David's job to tell the eaters to cut it out. He found himself in many discussions with the sunbathers whether grapes were considered food or not. Grapes leave no garbage. It was decided that grapes were indeed food and not allowed.
Topless sunbathing was also not allowed. It was Duchovny's job to tell the topless woman to cover up. To get around that, some of the topless would place scallop shells over their nipples, making them non-topless. He found himself in many philosophical conversations over whether the scallop shells were considered attire. For all this, he made $12 a day back in 1974.
David D. says, "Did I ever tell you about the time my son survived a bee sting on his penis?" OUCH! I think Dave would have remembered that. David D's son was swimming naked at their backyard pool. David saw a yellowjacket land on his son's penis. Uh oh. His son saw it, too. Duchovny tried to get there before his son swatted at it, but it was too late. His son swatted at the bee and the bee set the stinger. His little son cried in pain. No kidding? Duchovny did what most dads would do; hide the problem. He quickly put a diaper on his son and gave him a soda. David finds distraction an effective form of parenting, as do I. He then put on a video. Check. I would do the same. Afterwards, his proud son would show off his bee sting by going up to anybody who would listen, "Look how big my penis is."

"The X-Files: I Want To Believe" opens this Friday. Hey, that's right now! Dave calls it creepy, and "Creep City."

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Nathan Lane, and comedian Larry "Bubbles" Brown.
The Late Show, guaranteed salmonella-free!
We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
BLACK KIDS - From the album, "Partie Traumatic," Black Kids performed "I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance."

And that was our show for Thursday, July 24, 2008.



You won't hear John McCain bring up Barack Obama's middle name. McCain's middle name is Sidney. I think I'd rather have Hussein.

So you think it's between McCain and Obama come November? Not so. Check out this website:
http://www.votesmart.org/election_president_search.php?type=alpha
It lists every candidate vying for the Presidency; about 300 of them. If you have time to kill, check it out and then click on any candidate's website. Not all of them have one, but you can find some that are very interesting and amusing. And then it makes you wonder what it takes to become a candidate, and why don't I run? I'm thinking of running in 2012 on the Baseball Ticket.

I found something new to gobble up my time at home. Channel 186 on my cable is VH-1 Classic. Wednesday night I watched a special on Bob Dylan, followed by Janis Joplin. Thursday night they had a couple hours of John Lennon. How long has this been around? Great stuff. I actually formed an appreciation for Yoko. If you have the VH-1 in your house, watch it with your kids.

Age Update: Yesterday I wrote that Sting was 46. He ain't 46; he's 56. Damn, my math.

Great game on Friday; Red Sox/Yankees; Josh Becket/Joba Chamberlain.

Oh, that was my voice-over with McCain at the supermarket. Thank you.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Arlington, Virginia, it's Larry Santucci
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Mikemack@aol.com