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WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Charlize Theron; Richard Belzer; and Motley Crue. PLUS:Wimbledon Memories; Ice on Mars; John McCain’s Plan to Fight Our Oil Dependence; Cool/Not Cool; and Psychic Gasoline.
“ . . . and now, deadly airborne neurotoxin . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
For my records: Dave throws a kiss at the monologue mark. I’m often asked by the writers for a shot such as this, but I haven’t seen Dave throw a kiss in quite a while. I don’t know if he’s stopped doing it or it’s just that I haven’t seen it since I’m usually busy during the show open. Anyway, I now have a shot of Dave throwing a kiss from the monologue mark.
Dave sits at the desk and yanks on the desk microphone. He lifts the microphone off the desk and we see it is attached to a wire. He gives it a couple pulls, like one would do to start a lawn mower. Dave says he’s just trying to get the show started.
Dave says he needs to sneeze. He’s been on the verge of a sneeze for quite awhile, and if he doesn’t sneeze soon, there will be problems later. There’s something inside his nose that needs to get out.
Wimbledon got underway in England yesterday. It’s the oldest tennis championship in the world and has a rich history and tradition, so we’ve put together this new segment, “Wimbledon Memories.” We watch. Announce: “In 2007, during a hard-fought second set tie-breaker against Yung-Han Chan, a brisk breeze blew up Maria Sharapova’s skirt.”
(Shot of Maria’s skirt being lifted by a breeze)
“This has been ‘Wimbledon Memories.’”
Dave’s been hearing a lot about NASA’s trip to Mars. Someday, you and I will be able to go there, but Dave advises not to get suckered in to taking the trip. In the small print, you’ll find it takes a year to get there, you’ll have to stay at least a year (52 stay-over Saturdays), and then it’ll take you a year to get back. Be warned.
It’s great that NASA says they’ve found ice on Mars, but Dave says he doesn’t like how they’ve commercialized it. Dave places on the desk a bag of Martian Ice. The ice cubes are red. And on the bag, in the starburst, reads, “For a Party That’s Out of This World!”
Dave sighs. He worked hard to make this work, or tried to make this work, but I think no amount of labor could have saved it.
Dave then takes the bag of Martian Ice into the audience and gives it to them. Maybe they can make something out of it.
Yesterday, John McCain made an announcement that could end our dependence on foreign oil. We take a look. Announce: “Yesterday, John McCain offered $300 million to anyone who developed an environmentally friendly car battery. Sadly, there is no such offer. You see, the Senator if a very old man who is getting by on very little sleep. When he gets tired, he says crazy things. This morning he offered me $500 million to get his glasses.
We apologize for any confusion.
John McCain – Grandpa’s losing it.”
It’s time once again for “Cool/Not Cool.”
We see Barack Obama delivering a speech about Iraq: “We must be as careful getting out of Iraq as we were careless going in.” COOL.
We see George W. Bush delivering a speech about Iraq: “An Iran that is free and capable of defending itself from Iranian influences . . . . I mean, Iraq!” NOT COOL.
ACT 2:
The price of gasoline is outrageous. It inspired this new segment, “Psychic Gasoline.” We head over to Rupert’s on this fine, lovely day in New York City. A big crowd lines the sidewalk as the camera makes its way into the Hello Deli. By the look of the enthusiasm on the faces in the crowd, I think they were expecting Matt Lauer and Al Roker.
Dave greets Rupert:
- “How’s it going?”
- “What’s going down?”
- “What’s happenin’?”
- “What be happenin’?”
- “What’s the 411?”
- “What’s the 411, dawg?”
When doesn’t get a reaction from Rupert to any of these queries, Dave wonders aloud, “Rupert, can you hear me?”
Playing “Psychic Gasoline” is America’s favorite intuitive, Deborah Lynn. Dave greets Deborah, who has been on the LATE SHOW numerous times in the past. Dave asks, “Have your appearances on the LATE SHOW helped your psychic business?” Without hesitation and without realizing how funny she is, Deborah quickly responds, “Not at all.”
Dave learns that Deborah does some of her psyching in Boston and Montana. Dave asks her about Montana, wondering if she does any roping and riding and rodeoing in Montana. Deborah says she does not. How about Grizzlies? Has she come in contact with any Grizzlies? She says she’s seen them from a distance but has never come face-to-face with one. Dave warns her to keep her distance from the Grizzlies because they’ll eat you and they’ll think nothing of it.
How we play “Psychic Gasoline” – Rupert will blindfold Ms. Lynn. He will hand her a gallon of gasoline from a nearby local gas station, and using her intuitive powers, she will determine the price of the one gallon of gas.
Alan tells us about the gallon of gasoline: “Thanks, Merv. The gas comes from a Mobil gas station at 53 West End Avenue and costs $4.30 a gallon.”
Deborah Lynn then goes into her aura-like trance. You know she is deep in a trance by the eerie swami music from Paul.
What is the price of this gallon of gasoline? The blindfolded Deborah exclaims she heard the price of gas just this morning on the radio! Dave praises her rare display of integrity not often seen on television.
Her guess: “$4.40 a gallon.” BUZZ! Deborah lets out a scream, perhaps frightened by the buzzer. Close, but no dice, Deborah.
But there are no losers on “Psychic Gasoline.” Girls? The Late Show models bring in a Hello Deli deli platter. One look at the Hello Deli deli platter and it is obvious the platter has seen better days . . . . and since it’s from the Hello Deli, its “better days” were probably 5 days ago.
And that’s how we play “Psychic Gasoline.”
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave wonders if Deborah really is an intuitive and if we are getting our money’s worth. Her guess on the price of gasoline was based on something she heard on the radio this morning. It had nothing to do with intuitiveness.
TOP TEN: Things Overheard on Hillary Clinton’s First Day Back At Work --- Hillary returned to Capitol Hill for the first time since suspending her campaign for President two weeks ago. #9. “Did you win?” #3. “I can’t believe you shrill message of fear didn’t resonate.” #1. “We’ll begin as soon as Senator Craig returns from the restroom.”
CHARLIZE THERON: Va va va voom! Ms. Theron is looking mighty fine in the lovely black dress. But then, I have a feeling she could make anything look good.
Plans for the summer? Charlize says being successful in show business allows her to dine in the finest restaurants and stay at the best hotels. She admits to being spoiled, so when she gets the chance she says she likes to go camping, claiming “I actually like to get down and dirty.” Camping and sleeping on the ground is perfectly fine. She adds that she has no problem going a week without showering but won’t sleep on dirty sheets.
She has a problem with dirty sheets. I’m with her on that. I’d rather dirty earth than dirty sheets any day.
Charlize stars in the Hancock blockbuster with Will Smith and Jason Bateman. She says that working with Will Smith is a heavy load to carry, but it’s her job. Of course, she’s being sarcastic. More on Will, she says, “He’s a nice guy, but he needs help.” Hancock – it opens Wednesday, July 2nd, at every theater near you.
ACT 5: ANNNOUNCE: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, from ‘Kit Kittredge: An American Girl,’ Abigail Breslin; Director Barry Sonnenfeld; and singer Tift Merritt.
The Late Show; helping with all your accounting needs for over 25 years!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: RICHARD BELZER: Dave asks Richard about his relationship with George Carlin. Richard only has great things about his old friend, and shares stories about how supportive George was to him in the early days. Richard says he (Belzer) was banned from doing the Tonight Show by one of Carson’s producers. They didn’t like Belzer’s act and thought he should never do the show. Then in 1981 or so, George was guest hosting. Carlin said he wanted Richard Belzer to do the show. The producers protested, but George won out. Richard says it was the first time he did the Tonight Show and it changed everything for him. Dave says it says a lot about George Carlin to stick his neck out like that for a fellow performer.
Richard relays what George Carlin once said he would want on his tombstone: “Geez, he was here just a minute ago.”
Richard says there was no topic off limits for George Carlin. My guess is anything that George felt approached “off limits,” he would make sure to not only move closer to it, but stomp it to near death. Dave shares his amazement at the amount of new material George would constantly turn out.
For me, George Carlin was one of the few I would stay up for when he was on Johnny Carson.
Others on my list:
Rodney Dangerfield.
Dave Letterman.
Stan Kann.
Richard Belzer is also passionately involved in animal rescue and pet shelter adoptions, and is featured in the current North Shore Animal League America animal rescue campaign. We take a look at Richard’s poodle fox-terrier in the green room.
You can see Richard this Thursday as a guest judge on “Last Comic Standing.” You can also see him as Detective John Munch on just about any show on TV.
ACT 7: MOTLEY CRUE: From their new album, “Saints of Los Angeles,” Motley Crue performed “Saints of Los Angeles.” Ahhhh, loud Rock ‘N’ Roll. You don’t find that much anymore.
And that was our show for Tuesday June 24, 2008.
Did you see the news report of John McCain having a bandage on his head? There’s a lot of speculation of the cause. You know, I wrote about this very thing some time back right here in the Wahoo Gazette. (one mention, April 22, 2002) When a bald man bumps his head, he’s angry not so much for the pain, but for knowing the cut will be seen for the next two weeks. There’s no hiding it. When a man with hair bumps his head, only he knows about it. A bald man bumps his head and for the next two weeks it’s “Hey, what happened?” Yeah, I can see the giggling going on behind my back whenever I have a cut on my head. Everyone creates their own mental re-enactment.
So, what happened to John McCain’s head? Why the cut? I don’t know, but I bet Cindy was having trouble with her computer printer and John was crawling under the desk to check the connection. Bunkt his head. Simple as that.
News item: Officials in St. Paul plan to mix a contraceptive with bird feed to reduce the local pigeon population. I guess the tiny little condoms didn’t work.
Oops! Yesterday I listed the big stars who have appeared on Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview. But, as many readers let me know, I left one out On December 13, 2005; #2475, Sarah Jessica Parker was featured. I went back into my files to find out how and why I missed it. SJP was the third celebrity to appear with Alan, but at the time, it was not called “Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.” It opened with Dave simply saying that Alan has a few words he’d like to share. When I looked up “Celebrity Interview,” SJP did not come up. That explains that. But why did David Duchovny and Gwyneth Paltrow come up if they were on before SJP. I went back to the Wahoos from their appearance. Both are labeled “Celebrity Interview.” For some reason, I didn’t list Sarah’s appearance under “Celebrity Interview.” Don’t know why.
Now I’m wondering if there were others I have missed. Dang it, I just gave myself some more work. Nice job, readers. You caught me.
Don Imus is in trouble again. He is accused of making a racist remark against NFL football player Adam “Pacman” Jones. Upon listening to Imus’s explanation, it sounds to me that he didn’t say anything derogatory against African-Americans; he was only saying derogatory things against police officers.
Did you read about the man who is pregnant? The only thing I can say is, “Please make it caesarian!”
I planted roses this spring and now the flowers are blooming. But now what? What am I supposed do next? There’s about a dozen ready to bloom. Do I just look at them or am I supposed to snip them and put them in a vase? And if I don’t snip ‘em, how long will they last on the bush? And if I do snip ‘em, do new ones come in?
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s the Viceroy of Rock and Roll, it’s R.H. Draney.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Charlize Theron; Richard Belzer; and Motley Crue. PLUS:Wimbledon Memories; Ice on Mars; John McCain’s Plan to Fight Our Oil Dependence; Cool/Not Cool; and Psychic Gasoline.
“ . . . and now, deadly airborne neurotoxin . . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
For my records: Dave throws a kiss at the monologue mark. I’m often asked by the writers for a shot such as this, but I haven’t seen Dave throw a kiss in quite a while. I don’t know if he’s stopped doing it or it’s just that I haven’t seen it since I’m usually busy during the show open. Anyway, I now have a shot of Dave throwing a kiss from the monologue mark.
Dave sits at the desk and yanks on the desk microphone. He lifts the microphone off the desk and we see it is attached to a wire. He gives it a couple pulls, like one would do to start a lawn mower. Dave says he’s just trying to get the show started.
Dave says he needs to sneeze. He’s been on the verge of a sneeze for quite awhile, and if he doesn’t sneeze soon, there will be problems later. There’s something inside his nose that needs to get out.
Wimbledon got underway in England yesterday. It’s the oldest tennis championship in the world and has a rich history and tradition, so we’ve put together this new segment, “Wimbledon Memories.” We watch. Announce: “In 2007, during a hard-fought second set tie-breaker against Yung-Han Chan, a brisk breeze blew up Maria Sharapova’s skirt.”
(Shot of Maria’s skirt being lifted by a breeze)
“This has been ‘Wimbledon Memories.’”
Dave’s been hearing a lot about NASA’s trip to Mars. Someday, you and I will be able to go there, but Dave advises not to get suckered in to taking the trip. In the small print, you’ll find it takes a year to get there, you’ll have to stay at least a year (52 stay-over Saturdays), and then it’ll take you a year to get back. Be warned.
It’s great that NASA says they’ve found ice on Mars, but Dave says he doesn’t like how they’ve commercialized it. Dave places on the desk a bag of Martian Ice. The ice cubes are red. And on the bag, in the starburst, reads, “For a Party That’s Out of This World!”
Dave sighs. He worked hard to make this work, or tried to make this work, but I think no amount of labor could have saved it.
Dave then takes the bag of Martian Ice into the audience and gives it to them. Maybe they can make something out of it.
Yesterday, John McCain made an announcement that could end our dependence on foreign oil. We take a look. Announce: “Yesterday, John McCain offered $300 million to anyone who developed an environmentally friendly car battery. Sadly, there is no such offer. You see, the Senator if a very old man who is getting by on very little sleep. When he gets tired, he says crazy things. This morning he offered me $500 million to get his glasses.
We apologize for any confusion.
John McCain – Grandpa’s losing it.”
It’s time once again for “Cool/Not Cool.”
We see Barack Obama delivering a speech about Iraq: “We must be as careful getting out of Iraq as we were careless going in.” COOL.
We see George W. Bush delivering a speech about Iraq: “An Iran that is free and capable of defending itself from Iranian influences . . . . I mean, Iraq!” NOT COOL.
ACT 2:
The price of gasoline is outrageous. It inspired this new segment, “Psychic Gasoline.” We head over to Rupert’s on this fine, lovely day in New York City. A big crowd lines the sidewalk as the camera makes its way into the Hello Deli. By the look of the enthusiasm on the faces in the crowd, I think they were expecting Matt Lauer and Al Roker.
Dave greets Rupert:
- “How’s it going?”
- “What’s going down?”
- “What’s happenin’?”
- “What be happenin’?”
- “What’s the 411?”
- “What’s the 411, dawg?”
When doesn’t get a reaction from Rupert to any of these queries, Dave wonders aloud, “Rupert, can you hear me?”
Playing “Psychic Gasoline” is America’s favorite intuitive, Deborah Lynn. Dave greets Deborah, who has been on the LATE SHOW numerous times in the past. Dave asks, “Have your appearances on the LATE SHOW helped your psychic business?” Without hesitation and without realizing how funny she is, Deborah quickly responds, “Not at all.”
Dave learns that Deborah does some of her psyching in Boston and Montana. Dave asks her about Montana, wondering if she does any roping and riding and rodeoing in Montana. Deborah says she does not. How about Grizzlies? Has she come in contact with any Grizzlies? She says she’s seen them from a distance but has never come face-to-face with one. Dave warns her to keep her distance from the Grizzlies because they’ll eat you and they’ll think nothing of it.
How we play “Psychic Gasoline” – Rupert will blindfold Ms. Lynn. He will hand her a gallon of gasoline from a nearby local gas station, and using her intuitive powers, she will determine the price of the one gallon of gas.
Alan tells us about the gallon of gasoline: “Thanks, Merv. The gas comes from a Mobil gas station at 53 West End Avenue and costs $4.30 a gallon.”
Deborah Lynn then goes into her aura-like trance. You know she is deep in a trance by the eerie swami music from Paul.
What is the price of this gallon of gasoline? The blindfolded Deborah exclaims she heard the price of gas just this morning on the radio! Dave praises her rare display of integrity not often seen on television.
Her guess: “$4.40 a gallon.” BUZZ! Deborah lets out a scream, perhaps frightened by the buzzer. Close, but no dice, Deborah.
But there are no losers on “Psychic Gasoline.” Girls? The Late Show models bring in a Hello Deli deli platter. One look at the Hello Deli deli platter and it is obvious the platter has seen better days . . . . and since it’s from the Hello Deli, its “better days” were probably 5 days ago.
And that’s how we play “Psychic Gasoline.”
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, Dave wonders if Deborah really is an intuitive and if we are getting our money’s worth. Her guess on the price of gasoline was based on something she heard on the radio this morning. It had nothing to do with intuitiveness.
TOP TEN: Things Overheard on Hillary Clinton’s First Day Back At Work --- Hillary returned to Capitol Hill for the first time since suspending her campaign for President two weeks ago. #9. “Did you win?” #3. “I can’t believe you shrill message of fear didn’t resonate.” #1. “We’ll begin as soon as Senator Craig returns from the restroom.”
CHARLIZE THERON: Va va va voom! Ms. Theron is looking mighty fine in the lovely black dress. But then, I have a feeling she could make anything look good.
Plans for the summer? Charlize says being successful in show business allows her to dine in the finest restaurants and stay at the best hotels. She admits to being spoiled, so when she gets the chance she says she likes to go camping, claiming “I actually like to get down and dirty.” Camping and sleeping on the ground is perfectly fine. She adds that she has no problem going a week without showering but won’t sleep on dirty sheets.
She has a problem with dirty sheets. I’m with her on that. I’d rather dirty earth than dirty sheets any day.
Charlize stars in the Hancock blockbuster with Will Smith and Jason Bateman. She says that working with Will Smith is a heavy load to carry, but it’s her job. Of course, she’s being sarcastic. More on Will, she says, “He’s a nice guy, but he needs help.” Hancock – it opens Wednesday, July 2nd, at every theater near you.
ACT 5: ANNNOUNCE: “Tomorrow on the Late Show, from ‘Kit Kittredge: An American Girl,’ Abigail Breslin; Director Barry Sonnenfeld; and singer Tift Merritt.
The Late Show; helping with all your accounting needs for over 25 years!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: RICHARD BELZER: Dave asks Richard about his relationship with George Carlin. Richard only has great things about his old friend, and shares stories about how supportive George was to him in the early days. Richard says he (Belzer) was banned from doing the Tonight Show by one of Carson’s producers. They didn’t like Belzer’s act and thought he should never do the show. Then in 1981 or so, George was guest hosting. Carlin said he wanted Richard Belzer to do the show. The producers protested, but George won out. Richard says it was the first time he did the Tonight Show and it changed everything for him. Dave says it says a lot about George Carlin to stick his neck out like that for a fellow performer.
Richard relays what George Carlin once said he would want on his tombstone: “Geez, he was here just a minute ago.”
Richard says there was no topic off limits for George Carlin. My guess is anything that George felt approached “off limits,” he would make sure to not only move closer to it, but stomp it to near death. Dave shares his amazement at the amount of new material George would constantly turn out.
For me, George Carlin was one of the few I would stay up for when he was on Johnny Carson.
Others on my list:
Rodney Dangerfield.
Dave Letterman.
Stan Kann.
Richard Belzer is also passionately involved in animal rescue and pet shelter adoptions, and is featured in the current North Shore Animal League America animal rescue campaign. We take a look at Richard’s poodle fox-terrier in the green room.
You can see Richard this Thursday as a guest judge on “Last Comic Standing.” You can also see him as Detective John Munch on just about any show on TV.
ACT 7: MOTLEY CRUE: From their new album, “Saints of Los Angeles,” Motley Crue performed “Saints of Los Angeles.” Ahhhh, loud Rock ‘N’ Roll. You don’t find that much anymore.
And that was our show for Tuesday June 24, 2008.
Did you see the news report of John McCain having a bandage on his head? There’s a lot of speculation of the cause. You know, I wrote about this very thing some time back right here in the Wahoo Gazette. (one mention, April 22, 2002) When a bald man bumps his head, he’s angry not so much for the pain, but for knowing the cut will be seen for the next two weeks. There’s no hiding it. When a man with hair bumps his head, only he knows about it. A bald man bumps his head and for the next two weeks it’s “Hey, what happened?” Yeah, I can see the giggling going on behind my back whenever I have a cut on my head. Everyone creates their own mental re-enactment.
So, what happened to John McCain’s head? Why the cut? I don’t know, but I bet Cindy was having trouble with her computer printer and John was crawling under the desk to check the connection. Bunkt his head. Simple as that.
News item: Officials in St. Paul plan to mix a contraceptive with bird feed to reduce the local pigeon population. I guess the tiny little condoms didn’t work.
Oops! Yesterday I listed the big stars who have appeared on Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview. But, as many readers let me know, I left one out On December 13, 2005; #2475, Sarah Jessica Parker was featured. I went back into my files to find out how and why I missed it. SJP was the third celebrity to appear with Alan, but at the time, it was not called “Alan Kalter’s Celebrity Interview.” It opened with Dave simply saying that Alan has a few words he’d like to share. When I looked up “Celebrity Interview,” SJP did not come up. That explains that. But why did David Duchovny and Gwyneth Paltrow come up if they were on before SJP. I went back to the Wahoos from their appearance. Both are labeled “Celebrity Interview.” For some reason, I didn’t list Sarah’s appearance under “Celebrity Interview.” Don’t know why.
Now I’m wondering if there were others I have missed. Dang it, I just gave myself some more work. Nice job, readers. You caught me.
Don Imus is in trouble again. He is accused of making a racist remark against NFL football player Adam “Pacman” Jones. Upon listening to Imus’s explanation, it sounds to me that he didn’t say anything derogatory against African-Americans; he was only saying derogatory things against police officers.
Did you read about the man who is pregnant? The only thing I can say is, “Please make it caesarian!”
I planted roses this spring and now the flowers are blooming. But now what? What am I supposed do next? There’s about a dozen ready to bloom. Do I just look at them or am I supposed to snip them and put them in a vase? And if I don’t snip ‘em, how long will they last on the bush? And if I do snip ‘em, do new ones come in?
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
He’s the Viceroy of Rock and Roll, it’s R.H. Draney.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • Wimbledon Memories • Ice On Mars • Foreigners Buy NYC Landmarks • John McCain: Grandpa's Losing It • Cool/Not Cool
ACT 2 • Psychic Gasoline with Intuitive Deborah Lynn
ACT 3 • Top Ten Things Overheard on Hillary Clinton's First Day Back At Work Read now
