DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Liv Tyler; Sue Johanson; and Tommy Johnagin. PLUS:JetBlue; Einstein’s Letters; New From NASA; WNBC Weather Report; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and Late Show Fun Facts.
“ . . . and now, controversial Tae Kwon Do instructor . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
You’re aware of the JetBlue passenger who was forced to sit in the plane’s restroom because an attendant wanted his seat. Dave thinks the restroom would be the best seat in the house, and offers a list of reasons why. You can meet different people; at Dave’s age he spends half the flight in the bathroom anyway; and who knows, you might make some spare change in tips. Well, this story won’t go away. We take a look at something Dave saw earlier today. Announce: “So, JetBlue made a passenger sit in the bathroom for 3 hours. Well, gay Senator Larry Craig says, ‘Cut me a slice of that action!’
Larry Craig --- My lavatory’s vacant.”
Some of Albert Einstein’s letters were auctioned last week in London. They’re so fascinating that we’ve decided to share with you some of the more interesting excerpts from his letters. Announce:
“Dear, Mr. Hershey,
Although I own the Nobel Prize for my work in theoretical physics, after tasting your new Milk Duds, it is without a shred of overstatement that I say YOU, my friend, are the true genius.
Fondly, Albert.
This has been ‘Einstein’s Letters.’”
Hold steady, people. NASA says it has developed a new system that will allow astronauts on the International Space Station to recycle their . . . urine . . . into drinkable water. Here’s how it works. Announce: “To ensure a sufficient water supply for the International Space Station, NASA has devised a system that will convert astronaut’s urine into safe, clean water. A machine will filter waste particles from the fluid, while will be heated in a high-temperature catalytic reaction and treated with iodine. The water will then be safe for use by the astronauts, while the waste matter will be brought back to Earth, rehydrated into liquid urine, and sprayed on the streets of New York City.
Urine: The Un-Cola.”
And now, a WNBC weather report. We see the weather for the week, followed by an irate Sue Simmons, “What the ‘GIVL’ are you doing?”
We just can’t let this go. But I have a feeling this is the last day for this.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: “ . . . Click!”
ACT 2: LATE SHOW FUN FACTS: soon to be featured in the CBS fall lineup.
ACT 3: LIV TYLER:
It’s her first time here in four-and-a-half years. In that time, she’s had a baby boy and he’s just graduated from potty training. And he just graduated from the crib to the bed. He was always fine with the crib but now that he’s in the bed, he’s always trying to escape. The other night he had turned on every light in the house and was screaming “Scooby Dooby Doo!” at the top of his lungs. My uncle Stu would do the same thing.
Liv and baby Milo were featured in a recent issue of Cookie Magazine. I’m guessing Cookie is a rather new magazine since I don’t recall seeing it on the newsstands 12 years ago. The newer moms on the staff were well aware of it. We see some lovely photos of mom and son at play.
Liv’s new film, The Strangers, opens May 30th. It’s a scary thriller with a lot of screaming. Dave and Liv demonstrate their screaming ability. I’ve heard Dave’s before . . . my office is right next to his . . . but Liv’s scream is right up there with Fay Wray’s. Nice scream.
I used to go to all the gory movies. The more poorly made the move was, the more I liked it; sort of like an amusement park haunted house. And in all the gory movies, when a girl is slowly walking through a dark house . . . . opening a closet door and then another closet door . . . . and then maybe a door to the basement . . . . the eerie music builds . . . when she opens the third door, always the third door, a cat will jump out. This causes the audience to leap out of their seats and scream. When they calm down, you’ll see the girl continue. It’s the next door that the real action takes place.
And that’s pretty much all I know about gory movies.
During the segment, Dave says a funny and backstage a woman laughs. Not sure if you could hear it but it was a sweet and spontaneous uncontrolled laugh. Dave and Liv heard it. Dave says with a smile, “There’s another show going on back there.”
ACT 5: Announce: “Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Tina Fey, Brett Favre, and singer Estelle. Call the cops! A show this funny should be against the law!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: SUE JOHANSON
Her Oxygen network’s “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” has run its course and can now only be seen in reruns. Only in repeats? That’s not really a problem . . . has sex really changed that much over the years? Of course, it’s not as frequent, but it really hasn’t changed all that much.
Sue also has a radio show about sex and she says questions from Americans tend to be basic simple questions. She explains we really don’t have good sex education in the schools. She’s right. I see a lot of parents driving their kids to school these days. This prevents them from learning about sex in the back of the bus.
Talking about boy infants and toddlers and their sexuality, Sue says “As soon as you take the diaper down, he gets the boner from hell!” I hear the same is true with Larry King.
Dave and Sue then have a very mature and intelligent discussion about prostitution. Sue says it should be legal but controlled. Really? I always heard the “uncontrolled” part was the best thing about prostitutes.
You can see Sue’s final “Talk Sex” Oxygen program repeated this Sunday at midnight. After that, you’re on your own. And for most Wahoo readers, that’s the usual.
ACT 7: TOMMY JOHNAGIN: He’ll be performing at the Comedy Castle in Detroit, Michigan from May 29th through the 31st. I liked his act. I found myself giggling from start to finish. I like his style and shtick.
“I’m the only person to come in 3rd in a two-person fight.”
And that was our show for Friday May 23, 2008.
Indiana Jones scorecard: 1981 – “Raiders of the Lost Ark” – earned $384 million worldwide 1984 – “Temple of Doom” – earned $333 million 1989 – “The Last Crusade” – earned $495 million
Total from the Indiana Jones films --- over $1.2 billion.
And I heard that’s how much “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” brought in yesterday.
Do you know why a manhole cover is round? When someone is working down inside, it can’t fall through and clunk him on the head. A square manhole could fall through. That may not be the real reason why a manhole cover is round, but if I was working inside one, that’s what I would believe.
My girls play on a traveling basketball team. At tournaments, I like to watch the game played before my girls play. I like to listen to the parents. Of course, the parents at the game before my girls play are intensely involved. I’m neutral. My girls aren’t playing yet. But it is fascinating to hear the comments of the parents. Their team is aggressive; the other team is physical and bullies. The other team is lucky; their team is talented. The other team traveled, fouled, and double-dribbled; their team did no such thing. And if I went to the other side of the stands and sat among the parent of the other team, I am sure I would hear the same thing. And the refs . . . the refs are always against their team. Both sides say the same. Being neutral, I can see their bias. So when my girls are playing, I always remind myself that my eye is tilted. I only see good from my girls’ team and questionable play by their opponents. I know I’m biased. Therefore, I remind myself to keep quiet and just enjoy the game. Parents should be forced to watch games in which their children are not participating. They should listen to the parents of those who are playing. They would learn a lot. They would be more aware of their own biased eye.
I’m off to a weekend of camping. I’m getting away from the warm bed, a loaded refrigerator, and all the comforts of home for a tent and a cooler of melted ice. Somehow, this is considered a vacation.
The Indianapolis 500 is this Sunday. Look for Rahal-Letterman driver Ryan Hunter-Reay in the #17 car.
And Rahal-Letterman Racing is teaming up with Chip Ganassi Racing to field #16 Alex Lloyd.
So grab some snacks and your favorite beverage to enjoy an afternoon of the best open-wheel racing at the world famous Indianapolis 500.
Next week’s previously viewed programs: MONDAY: From April 24; #2909 – Tina Fey, Brett Favre, and Estelle. PLUS: Dave trapped in an elevator. TUESDAY: From April 28; #2911 – Gwyneth Paltrow; Richard Lewis; and The Roots. PLUS: Small Town News WEDNESDAY: From April 2; #2898 – George Clooney; and Norah Jones. PLUS: Alan Kalter’s Where Are They Now? THURSDAY: From April 29; #2912 – Robert Downey, Jr.; and Alicia Keyes. PLUS: Iron Man’s shoes; and can Iron Man and a fat Spiderman hail a New York City taxi? FRIDAY: From April 14; #2901 – Al Pacino; and David Wright. PLUS: a special top ten from Masters champion Trevor Immelman; and a man of AARP age squats and catches while David Wright bangs out some balls on 53rd Street.
Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
She’s 45 on Saturday . . . my baby sisters turns 45 on Saturday . . . . it’s Kathy Mcintee Quinn.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Liv Tyler; Sue Johanson; and Tommy Johnagin. PLUS:JetBlue; Einstein’s Letters; New From NASA; WNBC Weather Report; Great Moments in Presidential Speeches; and Late Show Fun Facts.
“ . . . and now, controversial Tae Kwon Do instructor . . . . David Letterman!”
ACT 1:
You’re aware of the JetBlue passenger who was forced to sit in the plane’s restroom because an attendant wanted his seat. Dave thinks the restroom would be the best seat in the house, and offers a list of reasons why. You can meet different people; at Dave’s age he spends half the flight in the bathroom anyway; and who knows, you might make some spare change in tips. Well, this story won’t go away. We take a look at something Dave saw earlier today. Announce: “So, JetBlue made a passenger sit in the bathroom for 3 hours. Well, gay Senator Larry Craig says, ‘Cut me a slice of that action!’
Larry Craig --- My lavatory’s vacant.”
Some of Albert Einstein’s letters were auctioned last week in London. They’re so fascinating that we’ve decided to share with you some of the more interesting excerpts from his letters. Announce:
“Dear, Mr. Hershey,
Although I own the Nobel Prize for my work in theoretical physics, after tasting your new Milk Duds, it is without a shred of overstatement that I say YOU, my friend, are the true genius.
Fondly, Albert.
This has been ‘Einstein’s Letters.’”
Hold steady, people. NASA says it has developed a new system that will allow astronauts on the International Space Station to recycle their . . . urine . . . into drinkable water. Here’s how it works. Announce: “To ensure a sufficient water supply for the International Space Station, NASA has devised a system that will convert astronaut’s urine into safe, clean water. A machine will filter waste particles from the fluid, while will be heated in a high-temperature catalytic reaction and treated with iodine. The water will then be safe for use by the astronauts, while the waste matter will be brought back to Earth, rehydrated into liquid urine, and sprayed on the streets of New York City.
Urine: The Un-Cola.”
And now, a WNBC weather report. We see the weather for the week, followed by an irate Sue Simmons, “What the ‘GIVL’ are you doing?”
We just can’t let this go. But I have a feeling this is the last day for this.
GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: “ . . . Click!”
ACT 2: LATE SHOW FUN FACTS: soon to be featured in the CBS fall lineup.
ACT 3: LIV TYLER:
It’s her first time here in four-and-a-half years. In that time, she’s had a baby boy and he’s just graduated from potty training. And he just graduated from the crib to the bed. He was always fine with the crib but now that he’s in the bed, he’s always trying to escape. The other night he had turned on every light in the house and was screaming “Scooby Dooby Doo!” at the top of his lungs. My uncle Stu would do the same thing.
Liv and baby Milo were featured in a recent issue of Cookie Magazine. I’m guessing Cookie is a rather new magazine since I don’t recall seeing it on the newsstands 12 years ago. The newer moms on the staff were well aware of it. We see some lovely photos of mom and son at play.
Liv’s new film, The Strangers, opens May 30th. It’s a scary thriller with a lot of screaming. Dave and Liv demonstrate their screaming ability. I’ve heard Dave’s before . . . my office is right next to his . . . but Liv’s scream is right up there with Fay Wray’s. Nice scream.
I used to go to all the gory movies. The more poorly made the move was, the more I liked it; sort of like an amusement park haunted house. And in all the gory movies, when a girl is slowly walking through a dark house . . . . opening a closet door and then another closet door . . . . and then maybe a door to the basement . . . . the eerie music builds . . . when she opens the third door, always the third door, a cat will jump out. This causes the audience to leap out of their seats and scream. When they calm down, you’ll see the girl continue. It’s the next door that the real action takes place.
And that’s pretty much all I know about gory movies.
During the segment, Dave says a funny and backstage a woman laughs. Not sure if you could hear it but it was a sweet and spontaneous uncontrolled laugh. Dave and Liv heard it. Dave says with a smile, “There’s another show going on back there.”
ACT 5: Announce: “Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Tina Fey, Brett Favre, and singer Estelle. Call the cops! A show this funny should be against the law!
We’ll be right back.”
ACT 6: SUE JOHANSON
Her Oxygen network’s “Talk Sex with Sue Johanson” has run its course and can now only be seen in reruns. Only in repeats? That’s not really a problem . . . has sex really changed that much over the years? Of course, it’s not as frequent, but it really hasn’t changed all that much.
Sue also has a radio show about sex and she says questions from Americans tend to be basic simple questions. She explains we really don’t have good sex education in the schools. She’s right. I see a lot of parents driving their kids to school these days. This prevents them from learning about sex in the back of the bus.
Talking about boy infants and toddlers and their sexuality, Sue says “As soon as you take the diaper down, he gets the boner from hell!” I hear the same is true with Larry King.
Dave and Sue then have a very mature and intelligent discussion about prostitution. Sue says it should be legal but controlled. Really? I always heard the “uncontrolled” part was the best thing about prostitutes.
You can see Sue’s final “Talk Sex” Oxygen program repeated this Sunday at midnight. After that, you’re on your own. And for most Wahoo readers, that’s the usual.
ACT 7: TOMMY JOHNAGIN: He’ll be performing at the Comedy Castle in Detroit, Michigan from May 29th through the 31st. I liked his act. I found myself giggling from start to finish. I like his style and shtick.
“I’m the only person to come in 3rd in a two-person fight.”
And that was our show for Friday May 23, 2008.
Indiana Jones scorecard: 1981 – “Raiders of the Lost Ark” – earned $384 million worldwide 1984 – “Temple of Doom” – earned $333 million 1989 – “The Last Crusade” – earned $495 million
Total from the Indiana Jones films --- over $1.2 billion.
And I heard that’s how much “The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” brought in yesterday.
Do you know why a manhole cover is round? When someone is working down inside, it can’t fall through and clunk him on the head. A square manhole could fall through. That may not be the real reason why a manhole cover is round, but if I was working inside one, that’s what I would believe.
My girls play on a traveling basketball team. At tournaments, I like to watch the game played before my girls play. I like to listen to the parents. Of course, the parents at the game before my girls play are intensely involved. I’m neutral. My girls aren’t playing yet. But it is fascinating to hear the comments of the parents. Their team is aggressive; the other team is physical and bullies. The other team is lucky; their team is talented. The other team traveled, fouled, and double-dribbled; their team did no such thing. And if I went to the other side of the stands and sat among the parent of the other team, I am sure I would hear the same thing. And the refs . . . the refs are always against their team. Both sides say the same. Being neutral, I can see their bias. So when my girls are playing, I always remind myself that my eye is tilted. I only see good from my girls’ team and questionable play by their opponents. I know I’m biased. Therefore, I remind myself to keep quiet and just enjoy the game. Parents should be forced to watch games in which their children are not participating. They should listen to the parents of those who are playing. They would learn a lot. They would be more aware of their own biased eye.
I’m off to a weekend of camping. I’m getting away from the warm bed, a loaded refrigerator, and all the comforts of home for a tent and a cooler of melted ice. Somehow, this is considered a vacation.
The Indianapolis 500 is this Sunday. Look for Rahal-Letterman driver Ryan Hunter-Reay in the #17 car.
And Rahal-Letterman Racing is teaming up with Chip Ganassi Racing to field #16 Alex Lloyd.
So grab some snacks and your favorite beverage to enjoy an afternoon of the best open-wheel racing at the world famous Indianapolis 500.
Next week’s previously viewed programs: MONDAY: From April 24; #2909 – Tina Fey, Brett Favre, and Estelle. PLUS: Dave trapped in an elevator. TUESDAY: From April 28; #2911 – Gwyneth Paltrow; Richard Lewis; and The Roots. PLUS: Small Town News WEDNESDAY: From April 2; #2898 – George Clooney; and Norah Jones. PLUS: Alan Kalter’s Where Are They Now? THURSDAY: From April 29; #2912 – Robert Downey, Jr.; and Alicia Keyes. PLUS: Iron Man’s shoes; and can Iron Man and a fat Spiderman hail a New York City taxi? FRIDAY: From April 14; #2901 – Al Pacino; and David Wright. PLUS: a special top ten from Masters champion Trevor Immelman; and a man of AARP age squats and catches while David Wright bangs out some balls on 53rd Street.
Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
She’s 45 on Saturday . . . my baby sisters turns 45 on Saturday . . . . it’s Kathy Mcintee Quinn.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
ACT 1 • Show Open • Dave's Monologue Watch now • JetBlue / Senator Larry Craig • Einstein's Letters • NASA - Urine: The Un-Cola • WNBC Weather Report • Great Moments in Presidential Speeches
