" . . . and now, 12-year-old prodigy . . . . David Letterman!"

COLD OPEN: Dave and Jude in the dressing room. Jude is reading the newspaper.
JUDE: "Hmm, it says a lot of celebrities have been taking steroids to try and get perfect bodies." DAVE: "Well, just so you know, I never took any steroids." Jude looks at Dave and laughs and laughs and laughs.

ACT 1:
Everyone's talking about the Giants going to the Super Bowl. Dave saw an interesting message today. We take a look.
Announcer:

"Congratulations to the New York Giants for their big win on Sunday night. And condolences to those who had money on the Packers." Cut to a crying Terrell Owens. "Terrell Owens . . . Put on a skirt, princess."

Suddenly, a hippopotamus appears behind Dave for no reason. Upon closer inspection, it becomes obvious that it is not an actual hippo, but a guy in a hippopotamus costume. Dave tries to ignore the distraction but finally tells the guy to get lost. The hippo-guy exits.

Jeopardy's Alex Trebek has returned to host the very popular game show after suffering a heart attack. Welcome back, Alex, but Dave feels he may have rushed his return. Perhaps a bit more rest should have been prescribed. What does Dave mean? He shows a clip from the show seen earlier in the day.
We watch Alex give the answers to the contestants as they then give the question. But something isn't right. What the contestants provide are obviously not the correct answers but Alex charges on ahead. No matter what they say, Alex responds, "Right!" It's embarrassing. Spiderman? Jelly Belly? A hot dog? Thank goodness Merv isn't around to see what they are doing to his show.

Oh, no, it's the phone. Dave has a call on the prop phone, the one that doesn't work. Dave picks it up and we hear the radio transmission of Lt. Len Easton of the California Highway Patrol. Something was going down.

It's time for another installment of "Let's Talk About The Candidates." Biff is in the audience and finds a participant. The gentleman stands and Dave then gives a recap of the recent happenings on the campaign trail. Apparently, the guy in the audience was not aware that Fred Thompson had dropped out of the race. The obvious supporter of Thompson reacts in disbelief and grief. He over emotes his disappointment and exits out the back of the theater, but not before he knees a CBS Page in the nuts and throwing another Page over a railing. The guy was nuts. Not for reacting so violently, but for being such a supporter of Thompson.

Before we go to commercial, Dave receives another phone call from Lt. Len Easton. Are these robo-calls?

ACT 2:
Back from commercial, we now find the hippo crawling on the floor of the stage, lurking just off to the side of Dave's desk. Dave shoos him away. Not sure where security was.

Oh, geeze . . . . more Lt. Len Easton. Who knew there was so much crime going down on the California highways?

A Day in The Life Of Ben Bernanke - The Chairman of the Federal Reserve is under the microscope these days as the United States economy teeters on the edge of collapse.
We take a look at the typical day of Ben Bernanke.
And not only that, but following each joke is a hilarious animal sound effect. (some of these may have been edited out due to time)
9:00 AM: Spends better part of an hour explaining to President Bush what a recession is (donkey)
10:00 AM: Lowers interest rate for five minutes so he can get a better deal on a rugged and stylish 2008 KIA Sportage (chimpanzee)
10:30 AM: Speaks at Washington DC high school encouraging kids to drop out and spend their time playing internet poker (grizzly bear)
11:00 AM: Arrives for Congressional hearing in the Bernankemobile (kitty)
12:30 PM: Goes to U.S. Mint. Steals handful of cash so he can pay for his cable television . . . . am I right, people!? (frog)
1:00 PM: Seeks advice from his cousin, Mexican Federal Reserve Chairman Benito Bernanke
(coyote - I asked a Stangel next to me if Dave would say Ky-yoat or Ky-Yoaty. I've heard that west of the Mississippi, it's ky-yoat. East of the Mississippi it's Ky-Yoaty. And I had a scant memory of being surprised long ago when Dave pronounced it Ky-Yaoty. I went with the 3 syllable pronunciation. Eric Stangel went with the proper 2 syllable Ky-Yoat. Dave called it a . . . . . 2 syllable Ky-Yoat. I lost. Dang. The bet: One beer.)
2:00 PM: Tells reporters the United States economy will be fine if Wesley Snipes ever pays his taxes (seal)
2:30 PM: Lunch with a bunch of rich, old white dudes (lion)
4:00 PM: Announces emergency devaluation of rapper 50 Cent to 30 Cent (elephant)
5:00 PM: Needing relief from his stressful day, calls massage service for a little "Bernanke-Panky"
(cow - Dave comments, "This is damn good television." Then laughs, and adds, "This is something you'd see on Sesame Street."
6:00 PM: When no one's looking, buys Oats N' Honey Granola Bar from office vending machine with Canadian quarters
(sheep - Dave is angry because he said 'goat.')
7:00 PM: Leaves office to go to his night job as "Mayhem" on "American Gladiators" (parrot)
8:00 PM: Suddenly realizes he has no idea what he's doing
(pig - Dave says he thinks it was him, and blames his lunchtime corned beef.)
9:00 PM: Bets entire $2.9 trillion federal budget on the Patriots to win the Super Bowl (horse)
10:00 PM: Apologizes to Mrs. Bernanke for making an "early withdrawal" (dolphins)

ACT 3:
More hippo; more Easton.

CHARLES GRODIN: Mr. Grodin's visits are always entertaining, though a bit difficult to recap. He should check his ornery personality at the door before his appearance on the show. He is the cloud that shades Dave's sunny disposition. Charles enters and sits in the guest chair, then snarls to someone backstage, "I love you, too!" What's that all about? Grodin explains, "Biff said to me, 'Do you really fell you're likable enough to be on television?'" Is that anything to say to someone before going on stage? I hope someone talks to Biff. I respect Biff, but I have to agree with Mr. Grodin in this case.
Dave asks about Charles' absence from the silver screen for so many years now. Charles explains that he wanted to stay near home and be with his child as he grew up. His boy was in the first grade at the time and didn't want to miss his growing up. He wanted to be a stay-near-home dad. Dave appreciates the answer, then asks, "And how did your son feel about that?"
I liked this follow-up, and it's something Dave has brought up before, usually when an athlete decides to retire. The athlete will claim he wants to spend more time with his family. Dave always wants to know what the family thinks of that. And he wants to know if the athlete still feels the same 6 months later.
Dave then paints the real picture of the curmudgeon Mr. Grodin. Dave points out that he's been the recipient of many awards of late, including one for racial justice, homeless advocacy, and Habitat for Humanity. Grodin, naturally, 'aw, shucks' it off and moves on.
Grodin has a new book, entitled, "If I Only Knew Then . . . Learning From our Mistakes." It's an interesting read of how well-known celebrities have made mistakes in the past and overcame them . . . . or at least learned from them. No one does something knowing it's a mistake and points out that when friends and family are telling you one thing but you are so adamant in their belief . . . . maybe you should stop and listen. It's important to realize that our judgment could sometimes be wrong, as hard as that may be.

I'm reminded of such a time myself. Someone once asked me, "Hey, Mike, want to write a blog for the Late Show website?" I thought it was a good idea at the time.

Grodin explains the book was two-and-a-half years in the making. Dave sizes up the book and wonders why it isn't thicker. When someone puts two-and-a-half years into something, one would think there would be more substance to it. Grodin smirks at Dave's snarkiness and tries his best to ignore Dave's verbalizing what we are all thinking. The book is in stores now and it includes a piece by New York Post scribe, Phil Mushnick. He has a story of dealing with Jimmy "The Greek."
And all proceeds to the book go to the homeless.
Grodin says it would make a good graduation present this summer. I "Played the Dave" and announced, "It'll be good for Grads and Dads." I waited. Dave hesitated but I saw it was coming . . . and then Dave said it. For Grads and Dads. It would be a fine gift for graduates and for Fathers Day. DING! So impressed was Eric that he released me from my earlier bet of a beer.

ACT 5: It's the hippo peering out from the guest entrance. Lurking . . . looking . . . and getting the easiest pay day he's ever earned.

ACT 6:
LAWRENCE TYNES: Giant fans know him as "L.T." OK, maybe they don't call him that yet, but if he kicks one more overtime field goal this season, the Giant fans will be calling him L.T. and calling Lawrence Taylor, "that linebacker from the 80s and 90s."
You gotta be nuts to be a professional field goal kicker. The difference between goat and hero is inches. Take Scott Norwood. He was wide right in the Super Bowl vs. the Giants which would have won the game some years back and will forever be known at Scott "Wide Right" Norwood. It's not fair. Lawrence Tynes was walking that tightrope last Sunday. He missed a makeable 43-yard field goal late in the 4th quarter that would have put the Giants ahead, and then he missed a game-winner with 4 seconds left in the game. If he didn't get another chance, he'd have to walk home from Green Bay. Dave asked what he was thinking after his second miss. Tynes says, "I wondered what's it gonna be like to live in Green Bay." He adds, "I never let one kick bring me down . . . . or two." We take a look at Tynes' first miss in the fourth quarter. He hit it good, but not straight. As he ran to the sidelines, we see Coach Coughlin yelling "encouragement" to Tynes. What was he yelling at Tynes? L.T. says, "You know, I never hear what he's saying. I know he's yelling but I don't hear him." I guess it's sort of like being married.
What about the kick in overtime? Lawrence Tynes is a very smart man. He credits the snapper and the holder. And he credits the defense for getting the ball back and allowing him another chance to succeed. On 4th down in O.T., the kick would be 47 yards. No kick of over 40 yards has ever been made at Lambeau Field in the playoffs. Would Coach Coughlin send him out there? Tynes didn't give the Coach the chance to make that decision. Tynes ran out onto the field. When the coach saw that Tynes wanted the ball; wanted to be in that situation, the coach let him go. Me sitting at home never doubted the kick should have been attempted. It was a no-brainer. And it went right through the middle for the win.
Dave notices the shoes Tynes was wearing on the show. Are they special kicking shoes? Lawrence sheepishly looks down at his shoes and says, "uhhh, no . . .. . it . . .. they're . . . dress shoes my wife picked out for me." Perfect! Now there's a guy.

ACT 7:
THE REDWALLS: From the eponymous CD, The Redwalls performed "Modern Diet."

And that's the show for Wednesday, January 23, 2008.



Somebody snuck in an extra day this week. All day I've been in "Thursday mode" and it's only Wednesday. It was snuck in somewhere between Tuesday and Wednesday.

New York Giants safety R.W. McQuarters has one heck of an endorsement deal if he ends up as the Super Bowl MVP. Just imagine what McDonald's can do with him. Think "McQuarter Pounders."

Here's a tip for the NBA basketball's Miami Heat. Want to get back on the winning track? Trade for the Knicks Stephon Marbury. Get him. And then trade him away. You'll start winning immediately. It's worked for every other team that had him.

Marbury recently had ankle surgery. The Knicks, the awful Knicks, then won 3 in a row.

Here's how to end this Writers Strike right now. Get AMPTP President Nick Counter. Get WGA President Patric Verrone. Get WGAE President Michael Winship. Put them all on the next episode of "The Moment of Truth."
After watching last night's debut, it should be renamed "The Moment to Go To Bed."

While you watch the Late Show, keep in mind there is still a Writers Strike going on. Check out the following to keep in the know.
www.LateShowWritersOnStrike.com
www.Wga.org - the writers union, west
www.wgaeast.org - the writers union, east
www.amptp.org - the "other" side of the writers - the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers
www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com - Nikki Finke of L.A. Weekly - this is the website EVERYONE goes to for strike news . . . right after going to the Wahoo Gazette.
www.millerandgreen.blogspot.com - a blog written by former writers of the Late Show sharing their views on the strike

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Clifton Park, New York, it's Chris Cusack
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER