". . . and now, non-radioactive isotope . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1
Dave was monkeying around with his desk microphone and before I could say "You're gonna break it and then it's going to be too late," Dave broke it. The microphone came off its base. Dave tried his best to fix it but then had to call in the experts. Our Al Norwood stepped in and tried to fix it. No dice. The problem? It's broke. Dave yanks on the cord from under the desk and secures it temporarily to the desk. We proceed.

This week's storm caused hundreds of airline flight cancellations. We take a look at this announcement.
Announcer:

"Once again over the weekend, widespread inclement weather forced JetBlue to cancel hundreds of flights. Frankly, we at JetBlue have had enough. Effective immediately, JetBlue is out of the aviation business. We hope you'll travel with our new venture, BusBlue. Visit BusBlue.com for routes and fares.
Subject to delays and cancellation."

Dave is still toying around with the microphone. He lifts it up off the desk. Paul recognizes something. He sees a guy with a hand microphone who is about to sing. Paul hints, "Oh, are you going to do a number?" Dave recognizes the lead immediately and stands with the microphone and asks for the lights to be lowered. He walks around to the front of the desk . . . . or at least he tries to. The wire to the "hand mic" isn't long enough. Dave yanks it once and twice but gets no slack. He gives up and returns to the desk. Dang!
What did Dave have in mind? I don't know, but my guess would be that he wanted to sit on the front of the desk and then just when you thought he was going to sing, he would have said he has nothing. But that's just my guess.

ACT 2
LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
-The average North American will eat 35,000 cookies during their lifetime
-There are 239 ways to make change of a dollar
-A snail can sleep for three years
-Rhode Island is the only state without an active volcano
-The most frequently asked question of Americans traveling in foreign countries is, "Do you own an electric skillet?"
-The Late Show saves money by using cheap audio equipment.
-Andy Rooney started his career by whining on vaudeville
-Because of an FDA technicality, school cafeterias are allowed to serve candy corn as a vegetable
-The Marlon Brando role in "The Godfather" was originally offered to Andy Griffith
-After years of research, baseball historians have concluded that no Major League team has ever had a first baseman named "Who." (I spent the next 5 minutes checking Major League and Japanese baseball rosters for a player named Hoo, Hu, or Who.
-Thousands of Americans choke to death on tree bark every year
-Thomas Edison's most profitable patent was for wind-up chattering teeth
-The most downloaded song on I-Tunes is "Wildfire" by Michael Martin Murphey (we then hear the strains of "Wild Fire")
-According to the Unites States Treasury, there are four 15-dollar bills in circulation
-Sweater vests came about in the 1920s during a severe sleeve shortage
-65% of car accidents occur within five miles of an Arby's
-J. Edgar Hoover once wiretapped himself to find out if he was gay
-Until 1958, people dreamed in black and white
-The molecular composition of a rain slicker is nearly identical to that of Velveeta
-When making an arrest, the San Diego police have to read a suspect his rights, and the surf report
-Arnold Schwarzenegger was 23 years old before he could spell his last name
-At least once a month, President Bush locks himself out of the Oval Office

JESSICA BIEL: Jessica turned 25 last month and took a birthday trip to Paris. That reminds me of my 25th birthday, except I went to the New City Pub.
When she returned from Paris, her friends in L.A. threw her a surprise birthday party. Actually, she was kidnapped by her friends. She was blindfolded and handcuffed. Hey, I like the sounds of this surprise party already. They threw her in a car and dressed her in all kinds of crazy outfits and wigs and things. At one point she had on roller skates and one of those mermaid sea-shell bras. They took her to every bar in the city and did shots.
That sounds nothing like my 25th birthday party, except for the shots and the sea-shell bra.
While Jessica was in Paris, she had to do a bunch of fashion shows. Growing up, Jessica says she was a bit of a tomboy and had no interests in clothes and fashion. Things are different now. She likes it. I imagine the money may have something to do with it.
Dave says about clothes and fashion: "When I'm not doing the show, I don't know what to wear."
Jessica says she's the same, but she's lucky to have someone who dresses her. Dave volunteers to be that person. Sorry, Dave, job's taken.
Jessica stars in the new film, "Next," where co-star Nicolas Cage is able to see two minutes into the future.
All together now: "He should go to the Kentucky Derby!"
"Next" - it opens next Friday.

ACT 4
WILL IT FLOAT? We've been doing Will It Float for five years now. Dave says many on the staff will come up to him and say, "I hate Will It Float." Dave then thanks them for their opinion.
Tonight's item: It's Season 6 of "Dallas" DVD set.
Dave says it will float.
Paul says it will sink.
Dave thinks it will float because it has a lot of plastic. Alan offers his opinion and Dave looks over and scorns, "Alan, we're done with you . . ."
(Yeah, I know "scorn" isn't a verb but I felt like verbing it.)

ACT 5
Announcer: "And now it's time to play 'Where's Sue Hum?'
(Camera enters the green room. Scans. Sue suddenly pops up from behind the sofa.) Announcer: "Way to go, Susan! This has been 'Where's Sue Hum?'
That's all we got."

ACT 6
IRA GLASS: from radio's and now Showtime's "This American Life." Ira was on the show back in 1999. He told a story at the time about his old girlfriend. His 'ex' was watching at the time with her then-current boyfriend. When she heard her name, she stood up and pointed to the TV and said, "Oh . . . he still thinks about me." She called him soon afterwards. And they got back together. And they are now married.
Ira had been the host of "This American Life" on radio when it was announced that the show was also going to television. The radio audience turned surprisingly hostile. The radio show would travel city to city. There would be 4,000 people showing up for the show. And when it became known it was coming to television, they would show a few clips from the Showtime show for the radio audience. This was often met with boos. One guy in Minneapolis yelled out, "Judas!" Radio people are very suspicious of television. Another guy asked, "Is it possible that going from radio to television is like the U.S. going into Iraq instead of staying and finishing up matters in Afghanistan?" Ira didn't know what to say, nor did he quite understand the metaphor.
"This American Life" - on Showtime - Thursdays at 10:30 P.M. You'll hear stories like the chicken lady and NPR's "Poultry Slam" show. The woman took offense to how the show characterized chickens. By making chickens sound as if they had no personality and dumb, it created the context for people to eat chickens. She wanted to save the chickens. And she yelled everything she said. He couldn't understand why the woman had such a need to defend chickens and why she was attacking the show. If she wanted to save chickens, "there's a chicken Armageddon out there" for her to attack. Anyway, ever since, Ira has thought of that lady every time he sits down for some chicken. And he has since given up dining on the bird. Kudos to her success, one carnivore at a time.

ACT 7
REGINA SPECTOR: From her CD, "Begin To Hope," Regina performed "On The Radio."

And that was show for Friday, April 20, 2007.



Early morning news shows, the ones before Good Morning America, the Today show, and This Morning, are a must-see. Get up early next week and watch the banter between the news anchors. Oh boy, the forced fun is nauseatingly comical. They will cover the Virginia Tech story and then turn on a dime with, "Hey, how about that weather this weekend!" with giddy smiles and laughs all around.
I'm watching one of the 5:30 AM news shows now. Is there anything worse than watching a bunch of pretty boys and girls trying to be witty and charming? Yecch.

I don't know what's gotten into Alex Rodriguez but I'm going to have Biff lather me up with some of his suntan lotion. Maybe that's the secret.

Has "People Who Need People" ever been sung by a man?

Sodbusting: From Bryan Tarantola of Jackson Hole, Wyoming:

"When the pioneers went west to the tall grass prairie they took their plows with them. For the first time ever that virgin land was plowed and cultivated. Hence the term sodbusting - the opening of grass [sod] for cultivation. My grandfather was born in a 'soddy,' a house made from stacked squares of sod, out in Broken Bow Nebraska, in 1890."

Lou Ferreri of Palm Harbor, Florida:

"But what does 'Sodbustin' mean? Term used by old time west ranchers referring to settler farmers. Farmers til the soil, or sod.....so 'Sodbustin' or sodbusters are farmers. From watching many westerns in my life.....this is not a compliment."

Well, I think it's gone for good. The Depot, my local bar up the block, walking distance from home, has been closed since the 1st. The place has shown no life in three weeks. I liked going there mid day, midweek, when I was off. It seemed whenever I went there "NYPD Blue" was on the TV. But now it's gone. What will replace it? I don't know. Where will I go for a quick pop? I don't know. Where will I go when I tell Denise, "I'll be right back; I gotta get something." I don't know. Hopefully it comes back under a new name with little change. And if it does make a come back, I hope they don't bring in ambience. I hate ambience. The only ambience I like at a bar is pickled eggs.

And now it's time for an exciting new feature to the Wahoo Gazette, "My Idea That Was Used On The Show". I suggested moments before the show that since we now do Fun Facts in the ACT 2, it may be a good idea to add a Fun Fact that involves something that happened in the ACT 1. 10 minutes later we run into a problem with the desk microphone. I said we should do a Fun Fact about the cheap equipment.
The added Fun Fact was:
-The Late Show saves money by using cheap audio equipment.
This concludes the premiere of "My Idea That Was Used On The Show."

I watched "The Wonder Years" on the ION Television channel last night. In this episode, Kevin was unsure on how to act upon his crush with Winnie.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday today! Hello, Kimberly Ann Wren!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER