". . . and now, a man whose remarks were taken out of context . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
"I hope that big fat kid Kenny wins!"
An "Odd Dave" for my files. While seated at the desk, Dave becomes mesmerized by a pencil he holds in front of him.

It's something called, "Why The Whole World Hates Us," with Karl Rove. We see Mr. Rove at Wednesday night's Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinner. This is when the politicos go out of their way to embarrass themselves . . . . intentionally. Here we see Karl Rove dancing and rapping. Yikes. And he didn't even have the excuse of alcohol. That's just not right.
Dave isn't sure but he does not think what he just witnessed is constitutional.

It's something called, "Biff Henderson's What's Under My Hat?" From Legends Field in Tampa, Florida, what is under Biff's hat? NACHOS! Fans at the Yankee Spring Training facility take the cheesed nachos off Biff's noggin and eat.
Says Dave, "Come to think of it, that could also be why the world hates us."

This story was fascinating. A University of Nevada scientist has created a living creature that is 85% sheep and 15% human. We're very excited because we have the sheep-human here with us tonight. Dave invites the creature to walk on stage.
He enters and stands center stage. Dave studies the gentleman and remarks, "Wow, that's astounding. You can actually make out the sheep and human characteristics." Dave and Paul continue to discuss the likeness.
SHEEP-HUMAN: "Dave, it's Gary. I've worked here for 14 years. I just wanted to tell you that the sheep got held up at Newark Airport, but thanks for embarrassing me in front of thousands of people. You really hurt my feelings."

I think Gary was waiting for Dave and Paul to stop their discussion. Dave wanted Gary to interrupt them. It's easy to yell advice from the comforts of sitting in front of the TV, but when you're out there it's a whole other ballgame.

It's something called, "Candidate Kucinich: Who Needs Audio?" We see Kucinich making a fiery speech without audio. Instead we put in wacky music. Mr. Kucinich is very expressive in his speech; arms waving, a bit of a hop in his stance, head bobbing. Pretty funny.

And now "My Idea That Will Never Make It On The Show" (and with good reason):
Take that non-audio clip of Kucinich. Make it into a grainy black and white clip. Change the music. Put a little Hitler mustache on him. Yikes.

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: "If it feels good, do it. If you got a problem, blame somebody else."
And was that our costume designer Sue Hum snapping a photo of President Kennedy?

ACT 2:
LATE SHOW EQUATIONS

1. Bacon + Sausage + ham + lipitor = . . . . . . . . . . . Dick Cheney's breakfast.

OK, now that you know how to play . . . . .
2. Britney Spears + Hair + 15 years = . . . . . . . . . Liza Minnelli. (I got this one right)
3. A rollercoaster + the smell of goat = . . . . . . . . New York City cab ride
4. FOX - "American Idol = . . . . . . . . . .Telemundo
5. Dennis Kucinich + red hat = . . . . . . . .Ernie, the Keebler elf (I got this one right.)
6. Gin + Tonic = . . . . . . . . . . . . a Happy Dave (I hot this one right)
7. 3 people in Utah + 4 people in Texas = President Bush's remaining supporters
8. Chevy Malibu + zero down till 2008 = . . . . . . . . . . . . One hell of a deal at Paramus Auto Mall, 194 Route 17, North Paramus, New Jersey
9. Gloria Estafan + wine coolers + painkillers = . . . . . .Paula Abdul (I got this one.)
10. Monkey + cigarette = . . . . . . hilarious monkey
11. Lazy writers + old copies of "Mad" magazine = . . . . Late Show Equations
12. Guantanamo Bay Detention Center - Orange jumpsuits + peanuts = . . . . . JetBlue flight
13. Dead muskrat + shellac = . . . . Donald Trump's hair (I got this one right.)

ACT 3:
PIEDMONT BIRD CALLERS: Our first guests are the winners of Piedmont, California's 42nd Annual High School Bird Calling Contest.

1. JORDAN KRESS AND THOMAS HUTCHINSON
both freshman and finished in 3rd place. Dave has difficulty reading Tony's cue card since the D in Jordan looked like an O. Joroan. Their bird call: The Black Necked Stilt - it sounded something like this: "eeek ahhhh geeeek eeeek geeeek geeeeek ahhhhuuuuuugaaaa eeek ahhugga"

2. SHAHEEN AXTLE, DEREK DEROCHE AND AARON MACHOLL-STANLEY
Shaheen is a Junior. Derek is a sophomore and was here last year. Aaron is a senior. They finished in 2nd place.
Their bird call: The Caribbean Flamingo. "Is it a pecker?" It went something like this: "eeek ahhhh geeeek eeeek geeeek geeeeek ahhhhuuuuuugaaaa eeek ahhugga"

3. DREW JOSEPH AND DREW KESSLER
Both are seniors. They are this year's champions. They received a bouquet of flowers and their name engraved on a plaque or a trophy. And where is the trophy displayed? It's kept in a desk somewhere.
Their bird call: The Pomarine Jaeger: It sounded something like this:
"eeek ahhhh geeeek eeeek geeeek geeeeek ahhhhuuuuuugaaaa eeek ahhugga"

ACT 4:
While Dave is recapping the Piedmont Bird Callers, a gentleman in the audience interrupts. It's our friend, Johnny Dark. "Letterman! Hey, Letterman! Letterman!" The camera finds Johnny on the aisle. Although in a suit, he is a bit disheveled. He continues his desperate plea. "Just get up off the ground, Letterman, that's all I ask. Get up there with that lady that's up on top of this Capitol dome, that lady that stands for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won't just see scenery; you'll see the whole parade of what Man's carved out for himself, after centuries of fighting. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That's what you'd see. There's no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or compromise with human liberties! Great principles don't get lost once they come to light. They're right here; you just have to see them again!" Johnny, exhausted, stumbles out the back of the theater and exits. Wow!
A confused Dave can only say, "I thought he was going to do a bird call."

And of course, that scene was from the wonderful Jimmy Stewart performance in "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington." Johnny Dark had the thing memorized in no time. He's pretty remarkable.

It seems we haven't even gotten into the show and it's the ACT 5 already.

ACT 5: "Tonight's Piedmont Bird Caller segment was brought to you by Sucrets. For over 75 years, Sucrets brand throat lozenges have provided immediate, long lasting relief from the serious throat pain that results from making odd, shrill bird noises. We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
ROSARIO DAWSON: From the film, "Grindhouse," opening April 6th. To show you how old I am, I always envision April 6th as being baseball's Opening Day. Now with no more doubleheaders and an agreement between the players and owners of not playing too many days in a row, Opening Day is now usually in March. Does Rosario know any bird calls? No, but she can walk like a bird. When younger, she and her friends would borrow shoes from one another. If you borrowed a good pair and you knew you would want to borrow them again, you learned to walk without creasing the shoe. (I don't know . . . don't ask me) Rosario demonstrates the bird walk. And she's right . . . walking like that would never result in your shoe being creased.
Rosario grew up in New York City. At 6 years old, she and her family moved into an abandoned building. The landlord had given up on the building, stopped paying taxes on it, and left it vacant. Her parents moved in, her mom learned how to be a plumber, her dad did the construction and electrical on the building. And her mom built the front stoop for her to hang out. And it was on that front stoop that Rosario was discovered. She says whenever a limo or fancy car drove by, she and her friends would flash the biggest smile hoping a Hollywood type was inside. Of course this would never work, but in this case it did. She was cast to be in the film, "Kids." She made $1000 and the family went to Texas on vacation and they ended up living there for awhile. She had no idea that "Kids" was doing so well and was surprised when she was being sought to appear in more work. Her mom allowed her to go out on her own to pursue her Hollywood career . . . and the rest is history and the present.
Her new film, "Grindhouse" is a double-feature. One film is directed by Robert Rodriguez; the other by Quentin Tarantino. And they are both creepy scary. Rosario appears in the Tarantino-directed film. We see a clip of a crazy car chase down a highway with a damsel on the hood. It looks excitingly enjoyable. It opens April 6th at a theater near you.

CLOSE
BLOC PARTY: From their new album, "A Weekend In The City," Bloc Party performed "The Prayer."

Dave always jokes about being able to go to any garage sale or yard sale and buy albums, also known as LPs and records. I laugh, because that's exactly what I do. And kids, LP stands for "Long Playing."

And that was our show for Thursday, March 29, 2007.



I've been thinking about Arnold Sinclair from Wednesday's show . . . . what if by odd coincidence he had really been choking?

I was flipping the channels last weekend and stopped on a news show for kids. The human interest portion of the show had a girl of 15 or so showing how to make fancy fashionable bracelets. She says, "And you can add beads and ribbons just like grandma used to wear in her hippy days." And I said, "Grandma???" I then took out a pencil and pad and did some quick arithmetic and realized, yeah, a 15-year-old's grandma could have been a hippy in the '60s. Yeesh.

Games I Like To Play: Turn on Imus in the Morning on the radio. Wait for one of the regulars to falsely stutter in disbelief, something like "Wha wha wha what do mean by that?" or "Wh wh wh wh why would you say such a thing?" Imus started the false-start some time ago as if incredulous at what was just said and now they all do it. I don't know if they realize they are copying. I laugh thinking of themselves thinking they are clever. Hey, it's Imus' schtick!
I used to play, "How Long Will It Take Before Imus Says ‘Hideous'?"
Another game I like to play is on the same station, WFAN, here in New York. One of the sports reporters who covers the New York Mets says at least once every 3 minutes, " . . . at this point in time." He's been doing it for years and I can't believe no one has told him "enough, already." I don't have a chance to listen all that much, so if I notice it I'm sure other must, too.
My guess is it is either Howie "At This Point In Time" Rose or Ed "At This Point in Time" Coleman.

The City was about to pass some stringent laws against the new pedicabs that have invaded the city. These pedicabs are like rickshaws ferried around by a guy or gal on a bicycle. These would be nice out in the country down a finely paved path, but here in the city they are extremely dangerous. And just when these new laws were about to be passed to limit their number and access, the Mayor backed off and allowed them free reign. How one of these pedicabs hasn't been squashed by a car is beyond me. They follow no traffic regulations, dart in and out of traffic, and the passengers have no idea how close they are to death. It's only a matter of time before one of them is flattened. Yikes

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Sandy, Utah, it's Cynthia Worona
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER