ACT 1
Sitting in with the band tonight, on harmonica, Lee Oskar.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the joke I always tell whenever we have a harmonica player on the show:
"Sure, he's a good harmonica player, but he's no Johnny Puleo."
It's Lee Oskar of the LowRiders and he sounded good all night long!`
www.lowriderband.net

Also on the show tonight is Tom Noddy, whom Dave will only describe as "the bubble guy." Dave is very excited for the bubble guy.

Film director James Cameron claims to have found the tomb of Jesus Christ. It's a shocking revelation that is creating quite a stir. Earlier today he displayed relics from the tomb as proof, like the one Dave has with him tonight, on loan from Mr. Cameron.
Dave holds up an object wrapped in a tattered cloth. He carefully unwraps it, revealing a 50 Shekel parchment gift certificate to Foot Locker. And it was addressed to J.Christ. And do you know why it was left unused? Because they don't sell sandals at Foot Locker! Buh-dum-bum. I don't know, maybe they do sell sandals at Foot Locker but that would ruin the joke.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have developed something of a feud in the past week. There has been a lot of controversy about some of their supporters, prompting this call for peace.
Announcer:

"Recently, a political feud erupted when a supporter for Barack Obama lashed out at Hillary Clinton, prompting Clinton and her supporters to retaliate with verbal attacks on Obama and his supporters.
But if there's one thing we've learned recently, it's that voters are sick of politics as usual, which is why Dennis Kucinich would like to remind America that he has no supporters whatsoever."
(cut to footage of Kucinich singing "16 Tons")
"Dennis Kucinich: All the way in 2008"

The New York Comic Com 2007 Quiz - the annual Comic Convention was held last week at the Javits Center here in New York and we got some footage of the event. We then compiled this quiz. Some of my favorites:
-(heavy guy thumbing through comic books): "Just an hour into the convention, this man has already gotten his hands on:
A) Supeman #1
B) Green Lantern #3
C) Cheeseburger #6

(Character in giant head): "The character on the right:
A) is form a Japanese cartoon
B) will soon be in his own movie
C) has been stumbling blindly through the city since the Thanksgiving Parade

(girl in fluffy dress and orange wig): "Looking at this scene, we're reminded that:
A) all fantasy realms are welcome here
B) the convention is a great place to meet friends
C) it's been a tough month for Britney Spears

(alien with claws): "You may remember this creature from:
A) "Lord of the Rings"
B) "Pan's Labyrinth"
C) Your local Taco Bell

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: we see FDR. We see JFK. We see President George W. Bush mistake his left hand for his right. And who was that sitting at the JFK inauguration?

ACT 2
Dave picks up a bottle of bubbles and blows through the wand. He enjoys making the bubbles. After a few bubble blows, Dave mutters, "I don't mean to upstage him (meaning the bubble guy) . . ." After a few more bubbles, "Right now, this is the only thing CBS has."

EVANGELINE LILLY: From ABC's hit show, "Lost."
Evangeline grew up in Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta, but for some reason finds it too chilly here in the Ed Sullivan Theater. Dave offers her a blanket and she accepts. Backstage, many scurry to find a blanket.
Evangeline was once a flight attendant, the worst job anyone could ever have. There are no redeeming qualities associated with being a flight attendant; the food stinks, the passengers are a pain; the destinations are uninteresting; and your feet swell two sizes. All that walking at that high altitude makes your feet swell. Does the altitude make anything else swell? Dave says he has done a lot of flying and never experienced anything getting larger. Evangeline laughs, pointing out that Dave must not be a member of the "mile high club." Evangeline finally quit after a month after collapsing following a 30-hour shift.
Ahh, the blanket is here. Evangeline wraps it around her to the disappointment of many. But the way she wraps the blanket around her makes her look as if she's just gotten out of bed or the shower. What was at first thought to be a diminished visual has turned in to something quite tantalizing. Evangeline gets a gander of herself in the monitor and decides to do away with the blanket.
While taping recent episodes of "Lost" in Hawaii, the house she was staying burned down. Everyone was safe, but all she owned was gone. It was more of an inconvenience than anything. She doesn't get too attached to stuff, plus she only decorates from what she finds at a Salvation Army. Plus, she works in Hawaii, how upset can you get?
"Lost" - Wednesday nights at 10 on ABC.

ACT 3
JEFF MACGREGOR: he's a special contributor to "Sports Illustrated" magazine and author of the book about NASCAR and its fans, "Sunday Money." I'm never sure quite what he's plugging but I always find him funny. His most recent article in "Sports Illustrated" covers the Asian Games and the somewhat odd, to us, athletic events. It's the "S.I." with the Chicago Cubs on the cover. (This is their year!) Jeff traveled to Qatar to attend the Asian Games which occur every 4 years. They invested $3 billion to host the event in hopes of getting the Summer Olympics in 8 years. It's a long shot, but they've got the money and I hear the Olympics responds well to money. The city of Doha hosted the Games, a city that Jeff describes as the most boring and dull city in the world. According to Jeff, Doha makes Green Bay look like Berlin between the wars. Over 10,000 athletes were there and a billion were watching on TV, though Jeff was the only American to be found. He says, "I couldn't have looked more American if I had been carrying a wedge of apple pie with a sparkler in it." There are some events that are familiar but there some that are completely unknown in our part of the world.
Sepaktakraw - volleyball with your feet. We see a clip of this and WOW! Pretty amazing. I could watch a lot of Sepaktakraw. Big slams by the players using their feet! They spun and leapt like upside-down Ninjas. Very impressive.
Kabbadi - it's like tag; no equipment; no ball; no special surface. Two teams - one guy from Team A crosses a line and tries to tag a guy from Team B. Once he tags a guy, or when he crosses a line attempting to tag a guy, the other team can pounce on him. And the guy doing the tagging has to hold his breath. I think this helps move the game along. From the clip we see, Jeff describes Kabbadi like a scene from West Side Story in a pre-battle face-down between the Jets and the Sharks.
Dave holds up the Sports Illustrated issue featuring Jeff's article. Dave says it is too long to be described as an article . . . it's too long to be called an essay . . . . "What would you call it, Jeff?" Jeff quickly says, "I'd call it a book proposal, Dave."
Jeff MacGregor. Very funny fellow.

ACT 4
PAT FARMER'S "LONG STORY SHORT"
Pat: "I went out for a drive the other day and I heard a funny noise coming from my car. Long story short . . ." Pat holds up a bloody hand. A couple fingers are missing. PAT FARMER'S "LONG STORY SHORT"

ACT 5: It's Lee Oskar and the CBS Orchestra performing some "Cisco Kid"

ACT 6
TOM NODDY and his "Bubble Magic." He does some neat stuff with bubbles.
Caterpillar bubble - a long chain of connected bubbles
Bouncing a smoke bubble from arm to arm
Volcano bubble - a stream of smoke emerges from the top as the bubble deflates
Love Bubble - two bubbles become one
Bubble Cube - a cube shaped bubble
Carousel - it spins around.
Check him out at www.tomnoddy.com

I must admit . . . I missed most of the bubble guy. I was changing into a State Police uniform for a post-tape. Hopefully it makes it on the air in the next few days.

And that was our show for Tuesday, February 27, 2007.



I got home last night to watch "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" It's a new game show that tests adults on their knowledge of what a typical 5th grader is learning in school. It's a Mark Burnett program and it followed "American Idol" last night. My girls are in the 5th grade and I thought it would be fun to watch with them. After two minutes, I was already screaming at the TV! What a hunk of junk! First of all, with "5th Grade" in the title, it shouldn't be on at 9:30 at night. That's too late for most 5th graders, though mine have somehow adopted a 10:00 sleep time. The show is a little like "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" but with 5th graders standing by as lifelines which can be used 3 times. The more questions the adult answers correctly, the more money he earns, just like "Millionaire." To start off, the contestant has 10 subjects to choose from, eventually having to answer a question from each subject. So here we are, the very first contestant on the very first show. He's a graduate of UCLA and is in his 30s. What category does he want to start with? Remember, this is the first contestant on the first show and here we are about to start the game. And he can't decide what category he wants. He looks at the 10 categories and thinks, and thinks, and thinks. Two minutes into the show and it's already grinding to a halt. MOVE IT ALONG!
He picks something I forget.
First question: What month is Columbus Day? The UCLA grad doesn't know. He guesses September. The 5th grader he chose to help him gives him the right answer: October. The adult gets some money.
The second question: Something about polar bears. Do they feed mainly on penguins? He answers "Yes." His 5th grade helper saves him by answering "False." Penguins are found at the South Pole. Polar bears are found at the North Pole.
Question 3: If the area of a triangle is 16 and one of its sides is 8, what is the base? Again, the UCLA graduate got it wrong but was saved for the last time by another 5th grader. The UCLA graduate thought it was 1. The correct answer was 4.
Question 4: Something about a President who was impeached, not including Clinton. The UCLA graduate decided to quit here with a few thousand dollars in his pocket, but if he had to guess he would have said "John Quincy Adams." The five 5th graders knew it was Andrew Johnson.
He's out.
The show is moving extraordinary slow, and the fake tension is a real turn-off.
Next up is an adult from I forget where.
Question 1: Aboard what ship did the Pilgrims come over? She thinks and thinks and thinks, and then explains, explains, explains what she's thinking. She eventually says" The Mayflower" and is correct.
I forgot her next question, which she got right.
And then before she can answer her next question, the half hour is up. Six questions in a half hour. We get 60 questions on Jeopardy. I like the premise of "Do You Know More Than a 5th Grader?" but, please, TAKE THIS SHOW BACK TO THE SHOP! Awful! So obviously awful!

Note to the Academy: If James Cameron happens to be right about what he found, don't forget to add Jesus to the death montage next year.

The Miami Heat's NBA All-Star Dwayne Wade was injured the other night and looks to be out for the year. And I imagine Coach Pat Riley will be putting in for another sabbatical any day now.

Manny Ramirez finally showed up at Red Sox Spring Training. This is the earliest he's been late.

The camp in Afghanistan where Vice President Dick Cheney was staying was attacked by a suicide bomber yesterday. Reacting quickly, Cheney immediately filed for another deferment.

I have a new pet peeve: those people who don't clean the snow off the roof of their cars. Don't they ever think where the snow goes when they are driving down the highway? If YOU are one of them, I'll tell you where it goes: it flies off your roof and hits the windshield of the car behind you. Luckily today's snow wasn't icy like it was last week. Don't these people read the papers or watch the news? A person died last week because of a broken windshield from flying ice resulted in a deadly accident. Oh well, I guess you don't get news like that on your iPod or cell phone. There oughta be a law.

And now it's time for, "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show".
After Dave dabs his face with the rag found in supposed tomb of Jesus Christ, he opens the rag to reveal the image of his face has been transferred to the shroud.
This concludes another installment of "Another One of My Ideas That Will Never Get On The Show" . . . . and I don't blame them for not using it.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Tobor the 8 Man expert, from the Bronx, New York, it's Dave LaDue
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER