And now, the Latin Grammy Awards' Best New Artist of 2007. . . David Letterman.

ACT 1
Dave told a joke about the Miss USA Pageant to air on CBS. When he gets to the desk, he has a note waiting for him. The Miss USA Pageant is not on CBS; it's on NBC. Dave informs, "So if you planned on not watching it on CBS, you can now plan on not watching it on NBC."

The latest issue of "Newsweek" says Al Gore's weight is the best indicator of whether he'll run for President in 2008. It sounds silly, but it seems like there might be something to it. We take a look. Announcer:

"In the current issue of 'Newsweek,' associates of Al Gore say that any weight loss on his part is a likely indicator that he plans to run for president. And judging from the most recent photos of the former vice president, we can only come to one conclusion: Al Gore will indeed seek the presidency in 2008, but his enormous ass has chosen to remain in the private sector. (camera widens to reveal a huge-ass Gore)
Al Gore: Fattest Ass Since Taft."

GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES: We see FDR. We see JFK. We see George W. Bush: ". . . . I think the world would be better off is we did leave . . . uhh . . . if we left, the world would be worse!
And was that Sue Hum working a lint brush on President Kennedy?

ACT 2
JOHN CORNWELL
He's from Long Island and is a recent graduate of Duke University. Did his college experience reflect where his inventive energies now lie? John hems a little bit, then haws, and says while in college he worked harder than he drank.
When watching a sporting event on TV, you want to get in the right, comfortable position on the sofa. Once you find that position, you don't want to lose it. That's why having to get another beer from the fridge is an approach-avoidance dilemma for a lot of guys: you want another beer but you don't want to lose that comfort zone. And that's where John came in. He saw a need and created something to squelch that need. And so he invented the Beer-Launching Refrigerator.
John says some may call him lazy, but it took a whole lot of work to create this invention. Total cost of materials: $500. Hours involved: 150. Has it received much reaction? John says he has gotten a lot of e-mail, most of which go something like this:
"Yo, Dude, that's awesome. Can I buy one?"
It's time for the demonstration. John has a remote control in his hand. The refrigerator is about 15 feet away. I'll try to detail the steps by memory.

1. John points and clicks the remote.
2. a Miller Lite can of beer rises from the hole in the top of a mini-fridge and settles into an attached catapult.
3. the catapult rotates until it is pointed at the desired target.
4. the catapult is activated and the beer can sails through the air to John. John catches the beer for a successful delivery.

And the most impressive selling point to the Beer-Launching Refrigerator was the casual catch made by John. He caught the beer can without hardly looking. Very nice. Very relaxed. Nice job.

ACT 3
Before introducing Jack Black, Dave says he believes that when "the rest of the world realizes that we have a machine that can shoot a beer across the room, they will all stop hating us."

JACK BLACK: Surprising no one, Jack makes a grand entrance, dancing across the stage before greeting Dave. I wish more would do the same. It's Broadway, for crying out loud.
Dave asks Jack what he thought of the beer-launch guy. I "Played the Jack" and said, "Yo, Dude, that was awesome. Can I buy one?" Jack didn't say it. I lost at "Play The Jack."
Jack is a dad to a 9-month-old son. Jack ran out and immediately bought a video camera to document his childhood. Jack now believes he may have gone overboard. He got the biggest camera with every feature imaginable. It's like a bazooka on his shoulder. And to entertain his son, Jack likes to pick him up on his stuffed turtle and fly him around on a magical turtle ride. After 3 minutes Jack sets the turtle down for a soft landing. Unfortunately, the little one wants more more more. An exhausted Jack tries his best to continue. If nothing else, the magical turtle ride may get Jack in shape.

Jack says he's a little jet-lagged, just having flown in on the red-eye last night. He couldn't get to sleep on the plane but notice Carrie Fisher across the aisle. He asked if she had a sleeping pill on her. Luckily she had something to knock him out. I wouldn't be surprised if she gave him the pill more for her own wellbeing than for his. Imagine an edgy Jack Black sitting next to you all night long.
Jack performed at the Academy Awards and it was a big thrill. Unfortunately, he made a bit of the faux pas backstage when he met Jack Nicholson. Nicholson was goofing around with Will Ferrell and John Reilly, both of whom he seemed to know. Jack Black tried to wiggle himself into the mix and said to Nicholson, "You must have been the talk of the red carpet with that chrome dome!" It didn't go over well and Jack Black noticed a bristle from Mr. Nicholson. When Nicholson left, he shook Will's and Reilly's hand. There was no handshake for Mr. Black. This bothered him because Jack Nicholson has always been a favorite of Jack's. He not only played a crazy guy; he was a crazy guy. Dave suggests that6 maybe Jack Nicholson is a bit threatened by Jack Black. Jack muses, "Maybe he's threatened! Yeah. There's a new crazy in town!"

Jack is the executive producer of a new VH1 program called, "Acceptable TV." It's a competition show. The home-viewer watches six 3-minutes TV show pilots. Then you go online and vote for your two favorites. The two with the most votes return the next week and go up against new competitors. Eventually, one pilot will hopefully be made into a show. It premieres this Friday.

ACT 4
TOP TEN: Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ordering a $1000 Pizza - "Nino's Bellissima," a restaurant on Manhattan's East Side, is offering a "Luxury Pizza" for $1000.
Ingredients include:
-Creme Fraiche
-Chives
-4 kinds of caviar
-4 ounces of sliced lobster
-Salmon roe
-Japanese wasabi horseradish

What is creme fraiche? It's fresh cream, but let's see you try selling a pizza made with fresh cream for $1000.
#3. "What would Al Gore do?"

ACT 5
It's Jack Black in the green room receiving a beer launched by Mr. Cornwell's Beer Launching Fridge.

ACT 6
LARA LOGAN: She's the Chief Foreign Correspondent for CBS News and for the past several years she has been reporting from Iraq and Afghanistan. She's here in the States for a couple days and then heads back to Afghanistan. She gets a few days off and she decides to come here?
Lara grew up in South Africa and saw at a very young age that apartheid was wrong. And later at age 17, she would sneak into black townships to see for herself what was going on. Soon afterwards she got a job on a newspaper while still in high school reporting on what she saw.
Where is her home now? Lara says she really doesn't have one. For the past 3 out of 4 years she's been living in Iraq and before that, Afghanistan. And just because she is a reporter doesn't mean she is living in cushy hotel surroundings. She's right in there with the soldiers out in the street mere blocks from constant fighting.
What's next for Lara after the war? Lara doesn't know for sure but is confident there will be another war to cover soon after this one is over.

And that was our show for Wednesday, March 21, 2007.



I read where Bill Gates is worth $56.8 billion. And just how much is that? Well, the "point 8" in $56.8 billion is 8 hundred million dollars. Ouch! Often times when listing the worth of Mr. Gates, a magazine or newspaper article will not include the "point 8," as if it is insignificant. Well, if someone gave me 'point 8' of a billion dollars, I would really really appreciate it and I would never consider it insignificant.

I saw my 11-year-old daughter Danielle making spit bubbles the other day. She would build up a mouthful of saliva and edge it to the inside of her lips. She would then open her lips and blow ever so slightly to create a spit bubble and then slowly close her mouth. The spit bubble, the size of a billiard ball, would dangle from her mouth. She's a master at it. I hadn't tried making a spit bubble in years and recall that I was pretty good at it in my day, too. I wondered if I still had the knack. I tried . . .. and got nothing. I tried again and I got nothing again. What's up with this? I wet my lips, built up a fresh batch of saliva, concentrated, and tried again. A half-second later the tiny spit-bubble burst before it even got started. Why can't I make a spit bubble anymore? I went to the bathroom and trimmed my mustache. Maybe a whisker was popping the spit bubble. I tried again and still nothing. What gives? Does a person's saliva change as one gets older? Does a child's saliva have more elasticity? Any saliva-ologists out there have an answer? Try it yourself. Can you make a spit bubble? Ask a pre-pubescent teen. Can they make a spit bubble? I wonder if it's a puberty thing. How many of you are trying to make a spit bubble right now?
I'm going to pitch this idea for the Tony Mendez Show. "Tony Mendez Attempts Spit Bubbles" and asks staffers to participate.
Warning: Don't attempt a spit bubble while at the computer. You may accidentally short-out your keyboard.

According to my calculations, I've passed up $23 million in lottery winnings this week alone by ignoring my e-mail.

How to trademark; how to copyright;
Let's say I wanted to make something like that yellow smiley face of the 70s my property - of course, not THE yellow smiley face, but a happy drawing that would delight - tm? Copyright?
Or how would I copyright something like Pat Riley's "Three-peat"

As I'm sure many of you know by now, our good friend Calvert Deforest passed away Monday evening. We all first met Calvert many years ago as Larry "Bud" Melman on Late Night. Our Wednesday program was taped on Monday and so there was no mention tonight of his passing. I expect we will have something on Calvert on Monday the 26th.

From the Associated Press:

Letterman Regular Larry 'Bud' Melman Dies At 85
(AP) NEW YORK Calvert DeForest, the white-haired, bespectacled nebbish who gained cult status as the oddball Larry "Bud" Melman
on David Letterman's late night television shows, has died after a long illness. The Brooklyn-born DeForest, who was 85, died Monday at a hospital on Long Island, Letterman's "Late Show" announced Wednesday.
He made dozens of appearances on Letterman's shows from 1982 through 2002, handling a variety of twisted duties: dueting with Sonny Bono on "I Got You, Babe," doing a Mary Tyler Moore impression during a visit to Minneapolis, handing out hot towels to arrivals at the Port Authority Bus Terminal.
"Everyone always wondered if Calvert was an actor playing a character, but in reality he was just himself -- a genuine, modest and nice man," Letterman said in a statement. "To our staff and to our viewers, he was a beloved and valued part of our show, and we will miss him."
The gnomish DeForest was the first face to greet viewers when Letterman's NBC show debuted on Feb. 1, 1982, offering a parody of the prologue to the Boris Karloff film "Frankenstein."
"It was the greatest thing that had happened in my life," he once said of his first Letterman appearance.
DeForest, given the nom de tube of Melman, became a program regular. The collaboration continued when the talk show host launched "Late Show with David Letterman" on CBS in 1993, though DeForest had to use his real name because of a dispute with NBC over "intellectual property."
Cue cards were often DeForest's television kryptonite, and his character inevitably appeared in an ill-fitting black suit behind thick black-rimmed glasses.
DeForest often drew laughs by his bizarre juxtaposition as a "Late Show" correspondent at events such as the 1994 Winter Olympics in Norway or the anniversary Woodstock concert that year.
His last appearance on "Late Show," celebrating his 81st birthday, came in 2002.
DeForest also appeared in an assortment of other television shows and films, including "Nothing Lasts Forever" with Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd.
At his request, there will be no funeral service for DeForest, who left no survivors.

And so ends another issue of the Wahoo Gazette, the world's longest continuous-running blog on the internet . . . . I think.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Bushkill, Pennsylvania, it's 1976 Ramapo High School grad Steven Shachter.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER