Paul has someone sitting in with the band tonight. Paul turns to see someone standing with the horn section. But no one is scheduled to be sitting in with the band. It's news to Paul. Does anyone know who that guy is? The guy in the horn section stares like a deer in the headlights . . . and then quickly runs away.

The summer blockbusters are tearing up the box office but there's lots of buzz about the upcoming fall movies. We take a look at our exciting "Late Show Fall Movie Preview!" Sound Effects; Graphics; Music . . . . and that's all we have so far.

Suddenly, the camera shots we see on the TV are bouncing from camera to camera. Camera 1 to Camera 3 to Camera 5 to Camera 4 to Camera 1 to Camera 2 and so on. What is going on? We take a look at what's happening in the control room. Oh, there you go. That explains it. We see a monkey hopping on the control board of the Technical Director. I don't know how our T.D. could let that happen. Ever since he was nominated for an Emmy Award, Tim Kennedy thinks he can get away with anything.

Last weekend, Pope Benedict XVI warned that people these days spend too much time at work. To encourage people to relax, the Pope released this announcement.
Announcer:

"In his latest weekly address, Pope Benedict XVI said people spend too much time at work, and that such an unbalanced life can be bad for the spirit. Which is why the pontiff would like to announce that he's taking the next five weeks off for a luxurious stay at the Sandals resort in Jamaica. So if you have any urgent papal business between now and the end of September, please contact the Pope's brother Raul, who will be substituting in the meantime. Pope Raul: On It!"

LATE SHOW FUN FACTS
-in 1974, Moses Malone became the first basketball player to go from high school straight into pro basketball
-There is enough iron in a human being to make one small nail
-Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined
-Major League Baseball rules dictate that the Minnesota Twins roster must always have one set of twins
-One wing of the Pentagon is Macy's
-During the 1970s, the Nobel Prize committee handed out an award for Best R&B or Funk Album
-In 1971, comedian Henny Youngman sank into a deep depression when someone finally did take his wife
-Hearses carrying a body are eligible to drive in the carpool lane
-Alex Rodriguez earns close to $40,000 per at bat, which he receives in cash while in the on-deck circle
-No two snowflakes are alike, nor are any two corn flakes
-The inspirations for George Foreman's grill came to him while he was getting pounded in the head by Leon Spinks
-Greyhound buses will not allow dogs on board
-Early is the new late
-The Surgeon General smokes two packs of Camels a day
-77% of glue-sniffers began by sniffing tape
-By law, a doctor may not use a tongue depressor to depress another part of your body

Back from commercial, we have 3 more fun facts:
-The Titanic hit the iceberg one day after the warranty expired
-Before it was named, the wolverine was called 'mystery beast'
-Although he hates America, Osama bin Laden has always wanted to visit Dollywood

WILL IT FLOAT? Tonight's item: a big ball of playdough
Dave says it will sink.
Paul says float.
What are we playing for: a Sea Hunt Escape 175 power boat!
Dave gets up and does the honors of dropping the playdough into the Will It Float tank and it . . . . SINKS!

TOP TEN: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New College Roommate
#10. "Hi, I'm Gary bin Laden."
#9. "I miss my mom --- will you put on this wig and hold me?"
#8. "I love watching you sleep."
#5. "I like to think of it as 'our' toothbrush."

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: Hey, she's pregnant. Maggie is expecting her first baby sometime in the fall. Congratulations, Maggie! Any morning sickness? She hasn't had it so bad, just as long as she eats constantly. She finds that keeps her from feeling too sick. When she attended the Academy Awards this spring when her brother Jake was nominated, she spent much of her time at the food bar stuffing little sandwiches into her mouth. She admits you don't see too many actresses doing that at the Academy Awards. (ME: The guys? Oh, I'm sure they're gouging)
The daddy is very nervous about the whole thing, too. At the very first OB appointment, he ran out of the office to put some quarters into the meter. When he came back, he walked into the wrong office. The doctor was examining another patient. Hello! Her new film, "Sherrybaby" opens September 8th in selected cities. She plays a woman getting out of prison after 3 years who tries to re-establish her relationship with her young daughter. You can also see Maggie in two other films currently in theaters:
-"World Trade Center"
-"Trust The Man"

Our announcer Alan Kalter has been hard at work on a brand new segment. It makes its debut tonight. It's called, "Alan Kalter's 'I Feel Your Pain.'"
ALAN: "Thanks, Dave. Having trouble dealing with the new airport security restrictions? Tell me about it. It took me two-and-a-half hours to get through airport security at La Guardia over the weekend. And it's nearly impossible to keep track of all the items now prohibited in carry-on bags. Toothpaste? Hair gel? Gimme a break. And what about this?" (Alan holds up a can of aerosol deodorant) "Those airport security goons forgot to confiscate my aerosol deodorant. Are we really more secure because of these restrictions? I . . . feel . . . your . . . pain, America!"
And then a guy in a TSA jacket rushes in and bashes Alan over the head with a gray airport security conveyor belt tub. He continues to beat Alan about the head and body. Alan falls to the ground in terrible pain. The security agent exits. And then returns for a few more kicks to the body and head.

ACT 5: It's Alan Kalter working on his knitting. Or was he crocheting? And didn't he just get beat up?

BILL BUFORD: He's a writer whose work can often be found in the New Yorker magazine. He proposed a piece to the editors of a profile on chef and restaurateur Mario Batali. Bill loves to cook and what a good way to research something he loves and get paid for it. (Maybe I'll pitch an idea of what it's like to play centerfield for the New York Yankees) In researching the profile, Bill spent 6 months working in the kitchen of Babbo, Batali's 3-star, New York City restaurant. He soon found out that his time in the kitchen provided enough material for a book. The result was "Heat," currently on the New York Times bestsellers list. First things first, what's the difference between a chef and a cook? Bill says a chef is like the general; a cook is like the lieutenant.
What did he learn from his time in the kitchen of a restaurant? "The heat" says Bill. The heat is astonishingly hot. It is everywhere and it just about knocks you over. And he was taught the philosophy of the job of a chef . . . . the restaurant makes money by buying food, fixing it up, and getting people to pay for it. Bill tells of one time how he spent hours slicing celery as a prep cook. As most of us would, Bill sliced and then threw out the celery heads. Mario made his rounds around the kitchen and quickly took the celery heads out of the garbage. He prettied it up and made some salad dish out of it. Remember: buy food, fix it up, get people to pay for it.
Bill also spent some time in Tuscany to learn how to be a butcher. His teacher, a butcher named Dario, was very protective of his meat and very proud. If a customer did not "appreciate" his meat, he wouldn't sell it to them. One time a customer asked if the meat he just received was any good? Dario said, "I don't know. Let's find out." He then took the wrapped raw meat from the customer and bit a chunk off. He chewed it and said, "Yes, it's very good." Dario must have been very good with a grand reputation because the other customers in the butcher shot started offering their meat to Dario to taste; "Bite mine! Bite mine!"
Once back from Italy, Bill wanted to buy himself a whole pig to slaughter. . . in his apartment. So he went to pick up the pig . . . on his Vespa scooter. He picked it up and had his wife on the back and the pig on the front and drove it home. Dave laughs at the image of every man's dream: "The wife on the back and the pig on the front." They ate pig for months afterwards.
"Heat" - in stores now.

And that was our show for Friday, August 25, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

The Emmy Awards are Sunday night. Many from the show will be taking the trip out to L.A. for the weekend and taking the red-eye back on Sunday night/Monday morning. We are up for 3 Emmy Awards:

Outstanding Writing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program
Late Show With David Letterman * CBS * Worldwide Pants Inc.
Eric Stangel, Head Writer
Justin Stangel, Head Writer
Michael Barrie, Writer
Jim Mulholland, Writer
Steve Young, Writer
Tom Ruprecht, Writer
Lee Ellenberg, Writer
Matt Roberts, Writer
Jeremy Weiner, Writer
Joe Grossman, Writer
Meredith Scardino, Writer
Bill Scheft, Writer
Frank Sebastiano, Writer
Sam Saltz, Writer
David Letterman, Writer

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series
Late Show With David Letterman * CBS * Worldwide Pants Incorporated

Outstanding Individual Performance In A Variety Or Music Program
Late Show With David Letterman * CBS * Worldwide Pants
Incorporated
David Letterman, Host

Of course I'll be rooting for us but in any category we're not involved in for an Emmy Award, I'll be rooting for "High School Musical."

I'm flipping through the TV channels late the other night and I see a promo for Oprah. She is quizzing a guy who has cheated on his wife . . . . with his wife's best friend. Oprah asks, "Where did you cheat?" The husband, with his wife sitting right next to him, answers, "In the house. She (the wife) was in the house at the time." Oprah calls him selfish . . . and bold. And I ask, "Why did this guy agree to go on Oprah?" If it's part of his therapy, he's gonna have to go for more therapy after this. Why subject himself to this on national television? I guess it was the thrill to be on TV.

One more thing about bunked vs. bonked. From Michael Loik of Ben Lomond, California:

"Bunked vs Bonked" and may day at the playground with my son today got me wondering...
What do you call the move in which you push someone on the swings so far that you can run under them? Where I grew up (Ontario, Canada) it was an "underdunk", but I've heard here in California "underduck" and "underdog". So what is it?"

I was watching the ESPN the other day. They have a show where they analyze the upcoming college football games. No, not the games in late August and early September. They were analyzing the November 25th games between USC vs Notre Dame and Florida vs. Florida State.
And then they picked apart the December 2nd game between Nebraska vs. Texas. I

I usually would turn garbage like this off, but it was so ridiculous I had to keep watching

Pluto is no longer considered a planet. And in 2009, it is being replaced by Conan O'Brien.